Six Flags Over Saigon-2021-02-27

FADE IN:

EXT. MUSIC FESTIVAL - DAY #1#

BEGIN MAIN TITLES

A swamp rock song about growing up in the South is being performed, e.g., "Born on the Bayou" by Creedence Clearwater Revival or "Polk Salad Annie" by Tony Joe White.  

The Main Titles are displayed over clips of YOUNG PEOPLE enjoying the festival (e.g., the August 1969 Woodstock Festival or the August 1969 Texas International Pop Festival). 

Our protagonist, CHARLIE STONE, is sitting in a row of Young People between two long-haired, bra-less, and very distracting flower-child PRETTY GIRLS.  Charlie is pleasant looking, has short hair and long sideburns, and is dressed in a tee shirt and jeans.

Charlie is smiling at and listening to the First Pretty Girl on his right, who is wearing an embroidered head ban, a long necklace, and a low-cut, colorful dress. 

The Second Pretty Girl on his left, who is wearing flowers in her hair, bell bottoms, and a tie-dyed halter top, is making out with a male Young Person to her left. 

At intervals, Charlie glances to his left where a FIRST JOINT is being toked on and handed along the row.  Just before a distracted Charlie can grab it, a FIRST PERSON sitting in the row behind Charlie grabs it, tokes on it, and hands it to a Person sitting in the row behind First Person, leaving Charlie frustrated.   

Then, to his right, a SECOND JOINT is being toked on and handed along the row.   When the joint reaches the First Pretty Girl, she tokes on it and attempts to hand it to Charlie.  Unfortunately, he drops it in the mud in front of him and it is stepped on by a Person walking to the right.  

Again, Charlie is frustrated. 

END MAIN TITLES

EXT. CAMPUS OF AMERICA'S ONLY JUNIOR UNIVERSITY - MORNING #2#

A montage of a mythical college campus (Junior University, aka, The Farm) scenes shows Charlie from above slowly walking his pet American Yorkshire PIGLET on a leash and flirting with GIRLS as they admire his pet.

GIRL
What's his name?

CHARLIE
His name is Fascist.  

The Girls smile.  

Charlie's route takes him and his Piglet past Mem Aud, in front of Mem Chu in The Quad, past The Claw in White Plaza, and along Mayfield Avenue (The Row). 

As they walk, Charlie's BEST FRIEND, another college senior, who is trying to hold in his breath, narrates.

BEST FRIEND (V.O.)
(to the audience)
Dude (beat) it’s December 1, 1969.  Tonight's the first draft lottery of the Vietnam War.  

Best Friend exhales and then coughs once. 

BEST FRIEND (V.O.)
We're gonna find out which of us'll be drafted and probably sent to war. (beat)  But, that’s tonight.

INT. OMEGA OMEGA OMEGA FRATERNITY HOUSE - AFTERNOON  #3#

An anti-war folk song that attacks phony patriotism (e.g., John Prine's "Flag Decal") is playing on speakers attached to a reel-to-reel tape recorder.

Charlie is sitting on a sagging couch in his room in his fraternity listening to music with his Best Friend, who looks like he might be gay but doesn't know it yet.  They are also staring at a psychedelic mural signed by Captain Acid on the opposite wall while they toke.  There is one more hit left on the roach.  

A beat-up coffee table is front of them with a half-full baggie,  marijuana paraphernalia, and well-worn, contemporaneous Playboy magazines on it.  There are no beds in the room because all the brothers sleep in bunk beds on a sleeping porch.

An automobile horn HONKS.  

Charlie exhales marijuana smoke, hands the roach to his sheepishly-smiling Best Friend, grabs his uniform parts, and hurriedly exits. His Best Friend sardonically yells after him.

BEST FRIEND
Thank you for your service.

EXT. OMEGA OMEGA OMEGA FRATERNITY HOUSE - CONTINUOUS #4#

A frenetic, ironic, darkly-humorous, anti-war folk song is playing in the background, e.g.,  Country Joe and the Fish's "I-Feel-Like-I'm-Fixin'-to-Die Rag" or Phil Ochs' "Draft Dodger Rag."

Charlie bursts out the front door of his fraternity house, and runs down the front steps.  

He almost wearing a ROTC cadet uniform, his hat akilter, his shoe laces untied, and tucking his shirt into his pants as he goes. 

Charlie runs across the front yard toward a yellow 1938 Packard Super Eight Rumble Seat Coupe that is idling in the street in front of the house.

INT./EXT. PACKARD COUPE - CONTINUOUS #5#

The frenetic, ironic, anti-war, darkly-humorous, folk song continues.

Charlie grunts to uniformed CADET #2, who is driving, and uniformed CADET #3, who is sitting in the rumble seat, as Charlie slips into the front passenger seat.  

CHARLIE
Go!

As the Packard pulls away from the curb, Cadet #3 puts a fake monocle over his right eye and a swagger stick under his left arm.  In the moving car, Charlie finishes dressing and cinches up the previously-tied knot in this tie.  

Cadet #2 WOLF-WHISTLES at a long-haired PERSON walking on the sidewalk, but is embarrassed when the Person turns and is a male.

As the Packard approaches a large grass field where about 20 CADETS have congregated for drill practice, it passes by a group of about 10 antiwar PROTESTERS on both sidewalks who yell and spit at Charlie and his friends.  

PROTESTER #1
Hell no.  Don't go.

Protester #2 throws an egg at Cadet #3, who is giving the Protesters the finger. Cadet #3 catches the egg and then almost loses his monocle as the egg breaks in his hand and drips down his sleeve.  Another egg splats against the side of the Packard.

EXT. DRILL PRACTICE FIELD - CONTINUOUS #6#

Having hurried to get to drill practice, the Cadets then shuffle around waiting for a command, in compliance with the Army's long tradition of "hurry up and wait."  

Eventually, CADET COMMANDER CODY, another college student, who is in charge, gives them one. Cadet Commander Cody is a prick wearing a shiny black combat helmet, of course.

CADET COMMANDER CODY
Cadets, pick up your weapons and fall in.

The Cadets each pick up an old practice/dummy M14 rifle from a rack and fall into a line.  Charlie accidentally drops his rifle, but luckily Cadet Commander Cody does not notice.

Cadet Commander Cody walks along the front of the line and stops in front of a Cadet randomly, performs a right face to pivot towards him, and inspects him.  One Cadet, having locked his knees and cut off his circulation, faints.  Finally, Cadet Commander Cody inspects Charlie.

CADET COMMANDER CODY
Cadet, your sideburns are too long.  

CHARLIE
Sir, I have low ears, sir.

Some of the Cadets smile.  Cadet Commander Cody rolls his eyes and moves on.  At the end of the line, he barks at the Cadets.

CADET COMMANDER CODY
Cadets, platoon formation!

The Cadets form a platoon formation, three cadets wide and six cadets deep.  Charlie and his friends are in a middle row.

CADET COMMANDER CODY
You know the rules.  If you turn the wrong way, you owe me five push ups.  

A song about a young soldier by a girl group (e.g., The Shirelles' "Soldier Boy") plays in the background.

CADET COMMANDER CODY
Forward, march.  Hup, two, three, four.  (beat)  Column left. (beat) Column right. 

Cadets start marching but soon random Cadets are screwing up and then doing push ups all over the field and running to get back into formation.  Cadet Commander Cody shakes his head and mumbles to himself.

CADET COMMANDER CODY
Our future office corps.  Jesus!

At the end of practice, as the Cadets are returning their rifles to the rack, the Cadets speak.

CHARLIE
You guys want to come over and watch the draft lottery tonight?

CADET #3
Why?  Are you thinking of being "undrafted".  Or leaving for                  Canada.

CHARLIE
Come on.  The bro' will be buying drinks for the cannon fodder with birth dates drawn early. 

Cadet #3 smiles.

CADET #3
Will you have food?

Charlie nods and smiles.

CADET #3
You talked me into it.  

Charlie and his friends pile back into the Packard.

INT. OMEGA OMEGA OMEGA FRATERNITY HOUSE - EVENING #7#

A blues song bemoaning bad-luck (e.g., Albert King's or Cream's "Born under a Bad Sign") plays softly in the background.

The crowd of FRATERNITY BROTHERS in the chapter room is rowdy.  A TV flickers on a card table.  Another, longer table serves as a bar.  Charlie, in civies, is sitting in the back row of folding chairs with his Best Friend, holding a can of cheap beer, e.g., Pabst Blue Ribbon.  

TV REPORTER
In minutes, the first U.S. draft lottery since the Second World War will begin.  Over 48,000 Americans have died in this very unpopular war so far.

The TV shows large, blue-gray, plastic capsules being pulled out of a deep glass jar one at a time by an OLD DUDE in a suit.  Each time a capsule is pulled, it is opened and the birth date and draft order are announced by a SELECTIVE SERVICE OFFICIAL and posted on a large board next to its draft number by an ASSISTANT.  

SELECTIVE SERVICE OFFICIAL (O.S.)
September 14; zero, zero, one.  (beat) April 24; zero, zero, two.

Charlie groans, Cadet #3 (also in civies) pats him on the back, and the Crowd cheers.  

BROTHER #2
Buy that man a drink.

Another Brother hands Charley a beer.

A TV REPORTER comments on the results.

TV REPORTER 
The Selective Service has announced that draft-age men with draft numbers in the lower third who do not have deferments will be drafted next year.  

BEST FRIEND
Condolences, Charlie.

Charlie smiles back weakly.

CHARLIE
That's future Second Lieutenant Stone to you.    

BEST FRIEND
At least we still have our undergraduate deferments for a while. 

The lottery continues into the evening.  Everyone is drinking heavily and Charlie is tipsy.

SELECTIVE SERVICE OFFICIAL (O.S.)
April 25; three, fifty, one.

Charlie turns to his Best Friend who is beaming.

CHARLIE
I wish MY mom had held out for one more day.

Charlie lights up a doobie and stumbles off.

EXT. UNIVERSITY QUAD - DAY #8#

An anthem for dope smokers (e.g., John Prine's "Illegal Smile" or Commander Cody's "Down to Seeds and Stems Again") is playing in the background.

Charlie is walking his Piglet on campus again, lost in thought.  He smiles as GIRLS crowd around.

Charlie walks by but does not notice three dark-haired GREEK WOMEN dressed in black academic robes and the music fades.  They point toward Charlie and intone/chant to the audience.  

GREEK WOMEN
(to the audience)
Our hero's life is now on hold, until he finds out if he'll grow old.  He's treading water for all to see, but he'll find out soon what is to be.

INT. OMEGA OMEGA OMEGA DINING ROOM - EVENING #9#

Two FRATERNITY BROTHERS practice their secret handshake as they enter the fraternity house dining room.  

Charlie, who is already a little tipsy, makes an announcement to other Fraternity Brothers who are sitting at two long tables in the dining room.

CHARLIE
As your president, I am initiating a new tradition at Omega Omega Omega.

The Brothers HOWL like wolves.

CHARLIE
Thursday is going to be wine tasting night, starting tonight.

The Brothers HOWL like wolves again and thump their wine glasses on the tables.

Charlie and his Best Friend pull open wine bottles out of a case and place them along the tables as Charlie announces.

CHARLIE
This one is called Hearty Burgundy.

The Brothers begin pouring wine for themselves.

CHARLIE
Oh, and those of you saying in the house over the summer will note that the third floor is being rented to women.

The Brothers grin and nod as they swill.

Charlie turns to his Best Friend as he leaves.

CHARLIE
See you later.  I have to go to work.

INT. PSYCHOLOGY DEPARTMENT LABORATORY - EVENING #10#

A Northern soul song about snakes (e.g., Al Wilson's "The Snake") is playing in the background.

A sitting, female, 20-something RESEARCH SUBJECT #14 looks a little nervous as she watches Charlie.  Charlie is wearing a white lab coat and holding a SPOTTED KING SNAKE.  The Snake's tongue flicks in and out of its mouth.

RESEARCH SUBJECT #14
Professor Zamboni says you're from Louisiana?

Charlie nods, but does not delay.

CHARLIE
When you're ready, I'm going to hand you this snake.  Are you ready?

RESEARCH SUBJECT #14
I'm ready.  I've been having dreams about shedding my skin like a snake.

Charlie hands the Snake to Research Subject #14 and then picks up a clip board and rapidly takes notes.

CHARLIE
Let's see if you can hold it for a  minute.

RESEARCH SUBJECT #14
OK.

The Snake slowly tries to escape but Research Subject #14 prevents it from dropping to the floor by grasping the front end of its body with her other hand.  A minute goes by.

CHARLIE
You made it!  I'll put the snake back in its cage.  See you next week.

The Research Subject #14 looks the snake in the face.

RESEARCH SUBJECT #14
Goodbye, Richard.  See you next week.  You, too, Charlie.

The Research Subject #14 gets up and leaves.  Charlie furiously writes in his notes. 

INT. PSYCHOLOGY DEPARTMENT PROFESSOR'S OFFICE - DAY #11#

Charlie sits in a chair in front of the desk of PROFESSOR ZAMBONI, his boss. Professor Zamboni is middle aged and dressed in black and the hair on his head and in his goatee is dyed black.

CHARLIE
Subject #14 is ready for you to hypnotize.  

PROFESSOR ZAMBONI
Thanks, Charlie.  You're a good snake handler.  By the way, I noticed in your notes that the subject reported a dream.  Did you understand why she had a dream?

CHARLIE
No. I thought it was strange.

PROFESSOR ZAMBONI
She was referring to her use of LSD.  

CHARLIE
Oh.

Professor Zamboni chuckles.

PROFESSOR ZAMBONI
So, no need to write that in your notes.  And, also, no need to report that she calls the snake Richard.  I am a behaviorist, not a Freudian psychologist. 

Charlie tries to understand.

CHARLIE
OK.

PROFESSOR ZAMBONI
Carry on.

Charlie gets up and leaves.

INT.  DEAN OF STUDENTS OFFICE - DAY #12#

Charlie walks up the staircase of the College Administration Building, hungover, and looking a little worse for wear.  He knocks and enters the office of the DEAN OF STUDENTS.

DEAN OF STUDENTS
Glad you could make it, Mr. Stone.  Have a seat. Do you know why you're here?

CHARLIE
Because you asked me to come?

DEAN OF STUDENTS
Yes, I did.  What is this I hear about you plan to turn your fraternity into co-educational housing over next summer?

CHARLIE
We want to bring in some money.

DEAN OF STUDENTS
Well, that is not going to happen.  There is no such thing as a co-ed fraternity, although I do think I see the attraction.

CHARLIE
But we'll put the women on the top floor where they would have their own bathroom.

DEAN OF STUDENTS
Let me repeat.  That's not going to happen.

CHARLIE
Oh, all right.  

DEAN OF STUDENTS
I'm glad we've come to an understanding.  Have a nice day.

The Dean looks down at his deck and waves Charlie away.  Charlie leaves.

EXT.  BEACH - NIGHT #13#

Charlie and his Best Friend are smoking dope on a beach.  The moon is full.  

They take off their shoes and wander down to the water.  They kick the wet sand, throwing bioluminescent phytoplankton into the air.  The phytoplankton sparkle in the moonlight.

CHARLIE
How cool is that?

Charlie's Best Friend's eyes are sort of misty.

BEST FRIEND
Very cool.

They kick the sand some more.

BEST FRIEND
Charlie, why don't you, we go to Canada?

CHARLIE
I just can't do that.  I'm too much of a Southern boy.

BEST FRIEND
I thought I would try, but I understand.

CHARLIE
Thanks for the thought.

Charlie gives his Best Friend a hug.  His Best Friend tears up a little, but shakes it off and changes the subject.

BEST FRIEND
Are you nervous about Escape and Evasion Training?

CHARLIE
No.  I just watched Cool Hand Luke.

His best friend GROANS.

INT. OMEGA OMEGA OMEGA FRATERNITY HOUSE - DAY #14#

Charlie is stuffing rolled-up baggies of weed and Zig-Zag rolling papers into the vertical aluminum tubes of his Boy Scout backpack.  He then re-installs the plastic caps on the ends of the tubes.

EXT. FORT ORD ROTC TRAINING CAMP - DAY #15#

Charlie parks his car and reports to TRAINERS, who are U.S. Army sergeants, with his backpack on his back and carrying a suitcase in his non-saluting hand.  He salutes when he reports.

CHARLIE
Cadet Stone reporting, sir.

The Trainers are disappointed Charlie has a hand he can salute with. 

EXT. WOODS - EVENING #16#

Charlie and OTHER CADETS are sneaking through the woods.  They are wearing green fatigues and their faces are painted with camouflage paint.  Suddenly, they are stopped by Trainers.

TRAINER #1
Halt!  You're now our prisoners.  Put your hands up!

The Other Cadets raise their hands.  Charlie smirks.

CHARLIE
What's in it for me?

Trainer #2 punches Charlie in the gut.

TRAINER #2
That's what's in it for you.

Charlie complies as best he can.

TRAINER #1
All of you, follow me to the road.

The Cadets fall into single file, with Charlie bringing up the rear.  They walk to a dirt road.

EXT./INT. FIVE TON TRUCK - LATER #17#

The Cadets reach the road.

TRAINER #1
Get in the back of the truck.

After the Cadets comply and sit on the two benches along the sides of the truck bed, the Trainers enter the truck cab, the truck engine is turned on, and the truck proceeds down the road.

CHARLIE
What's with this?  I thought this was Escape and Evasion, not Walk in the Woods and Get Caught.  I'm outta here.  Who's with me?

The other Cadets look down and are silent.  Charlie jumps out of the truck and runs down the road in the opposite direction.  He is not noticed, HE THINKS.

EXT./INT. JEEP - MINUTES LATER #18#

As Charlie rounds a bend in the road, an Army Jeep drives up carrying a TRAINING OFFICER and a DRIVER.

TRAINING OFFICER
Whoa there, cadet.  Heard you jumped ship.  Get in the back.

Charlie gets in the back of the Jeep which drives to and into a stockade.

EXT. STOCKADE - LATER #19#

An uptempo version of an irreverent folk song about not worrying, like The Goldcoast Singers's or Paul Newman's "Plastic Jesus" plays (from the movie Cool Hand Luke).

When the Jeep reaches a walled stockade, Charlie joins the other captured Cadets who are standing in a line.  The gate to the stockade is closed.  The Training Officer enters a nearby shed that is outside the stockade, leaving the Cadets with the Trainers.

TRAINER #1
As our prisoners of war, each of you must tell us the mission of your unit. 

Charlie turns and whispers to the Cadets.

CHARLIE
Ooo, I'm scared.

Charlie is grabbed by the Trainers and shoved into a green plywood box in which he can neither sit nor stand.  Charlie continues to taunt the Trainers.

CHARLIE (O.S.)
When is snack time?

Trainer #1 gets exasperated and opens the box just wide enough to drop an activated tear gas (CS) grenade into the box.  He then closes and latches the box.  

The grenade begins burning and fills the box and then the entire stockade with tear gas.  Trainer #2 opens the stockade gate and everyone except Charlie, who is trapped in the damned box, runs coughing out of the stockade.

The Training Office hears the commotion and approaches the Trainers. 

TRAINING OFFICER
What the hell?

TRAINER #1
I'm using CS to improve the attitude of the smart ass one.  He is in the box.

The Training Officer looks at the box and sees CS streaming out of the box around the door.  

TRAINING OFFICER
Shit!  What've you idiots done?

The Training Officer runs over to the box and unlocks the door.  Charlie falls out of the box, unconscious.

TRAINING OFFICER
Wake him up and wash him off.

The Training Officer walks off.

The Trainers slap Charlie's face to wake him up and then strap him to a piece of plywood about one foot wide and six feet long.  

TRAINER #1
Cadet, this is called a water board.

They then dunk a strapped-down Charlie, head down, into a 55 gallon drum full of water.  

Every ten seconds or so the Trainers pull Charlie out of the water for a few seconds (just long enough for him to take a breath) and then plunge him back into the barrel.  Finally, Charlie capitulates.

CHARLIE
I give up.  I'll tell you whatever you want to know.

TRAINER #1
Looks like we've had a learning moment.

Charlie is released and staggers off.  The trainer yells after him.

TRAINER 
You need to grow up.

EXT. OMEGA OMEGA OMEGA FRATERNITY HOUSE #20#

Three uniformed FUTURE FARMERS OF AMERICA are leading Charlie's Piglet out to a waiting van.  Charlie sadly waves goodbye to his Piglet at the front door.

EXT. COLLEGE STADIUM - DAY #21#

Charlie takes his turn on the stage as he graduates from college.  His smiling PARENTS are sitting on folding chairs in the audience.

Charlie's DAD is wearing a cheap blue suit with an American Flag pin in the lapel. His MOM is wearing a dress and a hat and looks like Forrest Gump's mom.  She is beaming at Charlie and holding a miniature American Flag on a stick.

DEAN OF STUDENTS
Charlie Stone.

As the Dean hands Charlie his diploma, he smiles at Charlie and puts his hand over the microphone.

DEAN OF STUDENTS
I am so glad you are graduating.  There goes your student deferment, huh?  What's this I hear about your cadet commander now announcing he's a conscientious objector. 

Charlie grins sardonically and walks off the stage.

INT. OMEGA OMEGA OMEGA FRATERNITY HOUSE - DAY #22#

After graduation, Charlie is sitting around smoking dope in his room again with his Best Friend.  The door to Charlie's room has a gaping hole in it where someone has kicked in a door panel.  A BROTHER sticks his hand through the hole.  His hand is holding a letter.

BROTHER #1
Mail call for Stone.  Looks official.

CHARLIE
Give me the damn letter.

Charlie retrieves and opens the letter.  

A song about going to Vietnam, like Johnny Wright's "Hello Vietnam" or Calvin Prickett's "I'm Going to Vietnam", is playing.

CHARLIE
It says "Greetings.  You are ordered to report for active duty."  Oh, shit.

BEST FRIEND
Sorry, bro.  When do you have to report?

CHARLIE
In October.  Let's go have some fun.  How about a new door?

EXT. COLLEGE ADMINISTRATION BUILDING - DAY #23#

Charlie and his Best Friend are dressed in used overalls as they approach the back door of the College Administration Building.  It's after 5 pm, so few people are around.

With screwdrivers, Charlie and his Best Friend remove the building's wooden back door and carry it between them, a long edge down, across campus, past Mem Claw and along The Row, to their fraternity house, appearing to be workmen.

INT. OMEGA OMEGA OMEGA FRATERNITY HOUSE - DAY #24#

Charlie and his Best friend step over BROTHER #4 who is passed out on the floor of the living room with a joint in his outstretched hand as they carry the new door to Charlie's room.

Then, Charlie and his Best Friend toke up, remove the old door to Charlie's room, and install the door they have just stolen.  While the installed door is still open, they give each other a high five.  When they close the door, it is a couple of inches too narrow.

CHARLIE
Oops.

They both laugh.

EXT. TRAVIS AIR FORCE BASE - NIGHT #25#

Charlie's Best Friend drops Charlie off at Travis Air Force Base.  Charlie is now sporting a wispy mustache.  They hug and Charlie enters the reception area.  He is surrounded by scared, anonymous faces of a lot of TWENTY-SOMETHING SOLDIERS.

> CUT TO:

INT./EXT.  WORLD AIRLINES CABIN - DAY #26#

A song that is rockabilly-tinged evocation of doom, like Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Bad Moon Rising," plays.

Charlie and another 150 uniformed, seated Twenty-Something Soldiers stretch to look out the windows as the airplane approaches Vietnam's Bien Hoa Air Base.  

Black puffs of smoke appear in the air at a distance outside the airplane as it enters a steep spiral downward, toward the runway.  

The passengers tightly grab their arm rests and the cabin is silent as the plane lands.  At that point, Charlie quips:

CHARLIE
Has our $65 a month hostile fire pay started?

That comment generates nervous CHUCKLES among some of the Soldiers.

EXT. LONG BINH POST - DAY #27#

It's hot.  Damn hot!  And humid.  And cloudy because it's the monsoon season.  Just about hourly, it rains like a cow urinating on a flat rock.

In country, Charlie is transported by a big green bus with the other soldiers through the gate (and under the sign of) of the largest U.S. Army post in Vietnam, Long Binh Post.  

There, Charlie, who is carrying a duffle bag, is driven in a jeep by a uniformed DRIVER (19) to one of the Temporary Officers' Quarters (called a Hooch).  He does not have his Boy Scout backpack this time.

EXT.  LONG BINH POST - NIGHT #28#

On a rainy night before he is supposed to report, Charlie goes out in his civies and poncho to do some exploring.  He bumps into an enlisted-man DEALER (19) in a poncho under an eave who is looking for someone who sell weed to.  

DEALER
Need some weed?

Charlie nods.

CHARLIE
How much?

DEALER
Five bucks for a lid plus papers.


The Dealer hands a baggie to Charlie to smell.  Charlie is surprised by the low price but hands a $5 bill to the Dealer, and scores some.   

DEALER
And here's a joint to get you going.

Charlie accepts the joint and shares it with the Dealer.  It is much more powerful than the weed he is used to.  The Dealer smiles and walks off.

DEALER
Peace, man.

Three mysterious MAMA SANS (older Vietnamese women wearing black "pajamas" and Asian conical hats) who are burning shit in barrels (pulled out of the back doors of outhouses) point toward Charlie and intone/chant to the audience.  

MAMA SANS
(to the audience)
Fire burn, and barrels bubble; there’s a soldier who faces trouble.  He comes here, a war to win; but must beware of mirror men.

INT. TEMPORARY OFFICERS' HOOCH - NIGHT #29#

A song about having nothing to do, like The Statler Brothers' "Counting Flowers on the Wall," is playing in the background.

Charlie enters his hooch and lies on the top bunk of a bunk bed, listening to the ceiling fans turn, CREAK, CREAK, CREAK.  He falls asleep and smiles.

In the middle of the night, he wakes up to the sound of mortar shells exploding in the distance, CRUMP, CRUMP, CRUMP.

CUT TO:

INT. LIFE SUPPORT DETACHMENT OFFICE - DAY #30#

In a conference room, twin, middle-aged U.S. Army MAJORS are delivering a carousel slide presentation to a wild-eyed, old-fashioned, cigar-smoking general, General "BLOWTORCH" BOB Bunker (60), who looks like he is a grumpy nut job.  He has an abrasive personality and a disdain for bureaucratic foot dragging.  

There is a large map or aerial photo of Long Binh Post and vicinity on the wall.

It is hot and humid, so everyone, especially the speakers, is sweating.  Archival photos of on-post recreational facilities are interspersed in the slide show.  

The Majors run the Life Services Detachment (LSD) of the Military Assistance Command, Vietnam (MACV).  The LSD is tasked with providing morale, welfare, and recreational facilities, mostly at Long Binh Post, for the two thirds of in-country U.S. army personnel in the region that are not involved in combat.  

MAJOR MORTIMER DICK (MAJOR DICK #1) (50) is leading the presentation.  He is the commanding officer of the unit and considers himself the boss of his brother.  MAJOR RANDOLPH DICK (MAJOR DICK #2) is the executive officer and is the softer side of this odd couple.

SARGENT MAC (55), an older and wiser soldier from Hawaii, is advancing the slides in the slide projector when signaled by the speaker to do so.  HAL BURTON (30), an ex-pat American VietCorp project manager, is also in the room, listening.

MAJOR DICK #1
The need for the project is illustrated on this slide.  The tail to tooth ratio, the ratio of the number of support troops to the number of combat troops, for our side has historically been about 2 support troops to 1 combat troop. 

Blowtorch Bob catches himself nodding off.

BLOWTORCH BOB
Sorry about that.  Not getting enough sleep.

Major Dick #1 smiles.

MAJOR DICK #1
That ratio is expected to increase significantly, maybe to as high as 9 to 1, as the South Vietnamese take over combat operations.  While U.S. troop numbers will decrease, the need for facilities to minimize the boredom being experienced by our rear echelon troops will only increase.

BLOWTORCH BOB
The facilities will help deal with our damned drug problems, too.

Major Dick #1 nods his head and displays another slide.

MAJOR DICK #1
First, I'd like to describe the existing military-recreational complex serving the nearly 60,000 rear echelon troops that are currently stationed here at Long Binh Post.

Major Dick #1 nods to Sgt. Mac, who advances a slide.  (Public-domain photos of actual, historical facilities are interspersed with the text slides.)

MAJOR DICK #1
This slide shows that we now provide 81 basketball courts, 64 volleyball courts, 40 bars, 12 swimming pools, and 8 multipurpose courts.

Major Dick #1 nods to Sgt. Mac again.

MAJOR DICK #1
We also have 8 softball fields, 6 tennis courts, 5 craft shops, 3 football fields, 3 weight rooms, 3 libraries, and 3 service clubs.

Major Dick #1 nods to Sgt. Mac again.

MAJOR DICK #1
We have 2 miniature golf courses, 2 handball-court complexes, a running track, an archery range, a golf driving range, and a skeet range.

Major Dick #1 nods again.

MAJOR DICK #1
Finally, we have a party area, an amphitheater for movies and live shows, an unofficial brothel, a “male beauty bar” with salon services, and outdoor movies.  

Blowtorch Bob has drifted off to sleep again.

MAJOR DICK #1
Now I'll turn the presentation over to my executive officer who will describe our current project.

Major Dick #2 displays another slide and Sgt. Mac "accidentally" slaps a ruler on a table.  Blowtorch Bob snaps awake.

MAJOR DICK #2
Thanks, Mortimer.  General, our current project involves building a recreational lake.  

Major Dick #2 displays another slide that shows the proposed lake on a map.

MAJOR DICK #2
The recreational lake will be about 1,690 acres in size, which is equivalent to about two and a half square miles.  It will be equipped with four ski boats for pulling water skiers and large mouth bass will be planted to allow bass fishing.

BLOWTORCH BOB
It's about time you initiated this project!  I see it as critical in creating a Six Flags over Saigon!

MAJOR DICK #2
Thank you, sir.  The project is being carried out under a design-build contract by VietCorp.  The project manager, Hal Burton, is here in case you have any technical questions.

Hal Burton raises his hand and smiles to indicate who he is.  Blowtorch Bob eyeballs Hal crustily and turns to Major Dick #1.

BLOWTORCH BOB
So, you are not using Burn & Loot?

MAJOR DICK #1
No, sir.  VietCorp's bid was better.

BLOWTORCH BOB
OK, don't let their bureaucracy slow you down.

MAJOR DICK #1 AND MAJOR DICK #2
We won't, sir.

BLOWTORCH BOB
We'll see.

Blowtorch Bob rises and leaves.  Major Dick #1 speaks to his twin.

MAJOR DICK #1
Don't be concerned about the General's falling asleep.  He has begun sleeping in a different hooch every night because he's sure he's gonna get fragged.

The Majors smile.

INT. TWIN MAJOR'S HOOCH - EVENING #31#

The Major's living arrangement is very comfortable.  The room is air conditioned with a bar at one end.  The Majors are sitting in stuffed armchairs, holding hard liquor cocktails.  Major Dick #2 is wearing a kitchen apron over his uniform and has a tiny umbrella in his drink.  The Majors are cat people.  Major Dick #1 is stroking their purring CAT.

MAJOR DICK #1
A toast to the Army's "up or out" retention policy:  may it rot in hell!  

The Majors clink their glasses.

MAJOR DICK #1
Fifteen years of service and next year we'll be drummed out just because they don't want to promote us.

MAJOR DICK #2
The Army is littered with majors.  Damn Nixon for Vietnamization of the war!  Doesn't he understand, it's the only war we've got?

MAJOR DICK #1
Oh, well.  At least we have a six months left to fund our retirement before DEROS.

The Majors clink their glasses again.

MAJOR DICK #2
When do we receive our next retirement contribution?

MAJOR DICK #1
Hal will put another $100,000 in $20 bills in the briefcase as soon as we select another Shake and Bake patsy to be our bag man.

MAJOR DICK #2
We are interviewing newby lieutenants tomorrow, right?

MAJOR DICK #1
Correct.  Let's get some sleep.  We want to select another one that's dumb or distractible.  Preferably, both.

CUT TO:

INT. NEWBY OFFICER'S HOOCH - DAY #32#

A song about being born to powerful parents, like Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Fortunate Son," plays.

Charlie is sitting in his hooch, stoned, reading one of his old Playboy magazines, and listening to music.  ANOTHER LIEUTENANT approaches him. 

ANOTHER LIEUTENANT
Weren't you supposed to report for an interview today?

CHARLIE
That's on Tuesday.

ANOTHER LIEUTENANT
It IS Tuesday.

He has Charlie's attention now!  Charlie jumps up.

CHARLIE
What time is it?

ANOTHER LIEUTENANT
Oh nine hundred.

CHARLIE
Oh, shit.

Charlie throws on his uniform, grabs his personnel file, and runs toward the door.  The Other Lieutenant hands him a jelly doughnut.

ANOTHER LIEUTENANT
Have some breakfast.

EXT. 90TH REPLACEMENT BATTALION - LATER #33#

A song about serving at Long Binh Post plays, e.g., Johnny Cash's "Singin´ in Viet Nam Talkin´ Blues."

Charlie is stoned and eating his jelly doughnut as he stands in line at the administration tent of the 90th Replacement Battalion to find out what his assignment is.

Some red jelly drips on the front of his uniform shirt and he does not notice.  

Finally, he enters the tent and is directed by a UNIFORMED  GUARD to a uniformed SPEC/4 clerk who is wearing love beads and rose-colored sun glasses, and is stoned, too.  

SPEC/4
Name and last four.

CHARLIE
Charlie Stone, 0679.

The Spec/4 sees the jelly on Charlie's shirt and can tell by Charlie's demeanor that Charlie is stoned.  The Spec/4 smiles and winks.

SPEC/4
Peace man.  Nice name.

CHARLIE
Thanks.  I hope you can find me a job where I can use my college engineering degree.

SPEC/4
Say no more.  You're in luck.  Two majors are interviewing all newly-arrived lieutenants this afternoon to select one for an engineering job on post.

CHARLIE
Great!  Where do I report?

SPEC/4
Life Services Detachment office.  Ask the bus driver out front where to get off.  

Spec/4 winks again.

SPEC/4
I won't send any other guys over there.

CHARLIE
Thanks!

Charlie leaves with a big smile on his face.

INT. LIFE SERVICES DETACHMENT OFFICE - LATER #34#

A song about LSD, like the Beatles' "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds," plays.

Charlie is still a little stoned and is eating the remnants of his jelly doughnut that he tosses into the first trash can he sees.

Charlie reports to Sgt. Mac in the cramped lobby of the Life Services Detachment (LSD) office for an interview.  Sgt. Mac is sitting at his desk. 

CHARLIE
Lt. Stone reporting for an interview, sergeant.  Here is my personnel file.

Charlie gives his file to Sgt. Mac.

SGT. MAC
Have a seat.  I'll let the Majors know you're here.

Sgt. Mac knocks on the door to the Major's office and enters, carrying Charlie's personnel file.  Then Sgt. Mac returns and sits silently at his desk.

A few minutes later Major Dick #2 opens the door.

MAJOR DICK #2
Come on in Lt. Stone.

Charlie walks in and salutes to Major Dick #1 who is seated at this desk and informally returns Charlie's salute.  Major Dick #1 is looking through Charlie's personnel file.  Major Dick #2 is standing.

MAJOR DICK #1
I see you have a degree in engineering and have taken a construction management course.

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

MAJOR DICK #1
Could you step back into the lobby for a minute while my colleague and I discuss the situation?

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

Charlie steps out.

MAJOR DICK #1
Lackluster academic credentials.  Clueless.  One day in Vietnam and he's already stoned.  I think he's our man.

MAJOR DICK #2
I agree.  Shall I invite him back in?

Major Dick #1 nods his head.

Major Dick #2 opens the door.

MAJOR DICK #2
Come on in.

Charlie obliges.

MAJOR DICK #1
We want to offer you the job of Liaison Officer for a construction  project we are starting.

MAJOR DICK #2
The project involves construction of a recreational lake.   

Major Dick # 2 points out the locations of the project on a map on the wall.  Charlie looks a little nervous.

MAJOR DICK #1
Actually, all the work is being performed by a military contractor, VietCorp.  Your job will be strictly ceremonial.

Charlie is trying to think.

MAJOR DICK #2
Sleep on it and let us know in the morning. 

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

Charlie salutes the Majors and leaves.

INT. TEMPORARY OFFICERS' HOOCH - EVENING #35#

Charlie and Another Lieutenant are drinking beer after dinner.

CHARLIE
The job looks quite challenging.  I hate to think about how much money is being spent on a fake lake.

ANOTHER LIEUTENANT
Let's see.  Wasting the army's money or getting shot at?  Pretty tough decision.

CHARLIE
You're right.  I'll go for it. 

INT. LIFE SERVICES DETACHMENT OFFICE - MORNING #36#

Charlie reports back to the Majors.

CHARLIE
Good morning, sirs.

MAJOR DICK #1
Good morning to you, lieutenant.  How about our offer?

CHARLIE
I think I can handle the job.  My answer is Yes.

The Majors smile.

MAJOR DICK #1
Great!  That's your desk over there.  Sgt. Mac will help you move your belongings to your permanent hooch.

CHARLIE
Thank you, sir.

MAJOR DICK #1
I should have mentioned that if the lake is not ready within six months, you will be transferred to the field.  

Charlie nods, thinking.  As Charlie and Sgt. Mac leave, Charlie glances at a tear-off CALENDAR on Sgt. Mac's desk.  The date is 13 NOVEMBER.

So, Charlie accepts the assignment and he enters the new world of “being in charge” of a colossal construction project that he does not know is a boondoggle.  Can he save himself?

INT. JUNIOR OFFICER'S HOOCH - DAY #37#

Charlie and Sgt. Mac carry Charlie's foot locker into a junior officers' hooch.  The hooch has two bedrooms and a common area which is full of electronic equipment.

SGT. MAC
There you go, lieutenant.  Your hooch-mate appears to be a techie.  See you tomorrow.

Sgt. Mac leaves.

Charlie is unpacking when his slightly older, mad scientist roommate, CAPTAIN EMMETT "DOC" LATHROP (25), rushes in, along with his DOG, "EINSTEIN."  Doc Lathrop has the required shock of light hair and is wearing an unbuttoned  lab coat over his uniform.  Doc is somewhat innocent and very enthusiastic.

CHARLIE
I'm your new roommate.  Name's Charlie.

DOC LATHROP
Welcome to The Nam.  They call me Doc.  

Doc points to his dog, who is very friendly.

DOC LATHROP
That's Einstein.

Charlie offers his hand to Doc and then pets Einstein on the head.

CHARLIE
I see you're into electronics.

DOC LATHROP
I'm working on a couple of very interesting research projects.  One is the Bugging the Battlefield project.  The other is the Make Mud, Not War project.

Charlie does not understand.

CHARLIE
What is Bugging the Battlefield all about?

DOC
We developing sensors that can listen for enemy troop movements and even record enemy conversations along the Ho Chi Minh Trail.

CHARLIE
Oh, I'm going to be project liaison for construction of a recreational lake on post.

DOC LATHROP
Good grief!  Is the Army still building recreational facilities?

CHARLIE
That's what they tell me.  By the way, mind if I do a little weed?

DOC LATHROP
Smoke to your heart's content.  I'm a short timer.  (dreamily) I'll be back in the World soon.

CHARLIE
Good. I plan to stay stoned my entire tour, if possible.  It's worked out for me so far.

DOC LATHROP
Watch out for the MP "Courtesy Patrols" here on base.  I'm always catching crap for the condition of my uniform and the length of my hair.  Luckily, I outrank them.  I give them crap on my pirate radio station, just for fun.

Charlie plonks down on a card table the Playboy magazines we saw earlier.

CHARLIE
Thanks for the warning.  I'm going to do a little exploring.

Charlie leaves and walks by Mama Sans burning shit who intone/chant to the audience.

MAMA SANS
(to the audience)
Has he dodged a bullet? Maybe not.  But let us tell you what he's got:  a sideways glance from a pretty girl, that may just complicate, his new world.

EXT./INT. DU DROP INN RED CROSS RECREATION CENTER - LATER #38#

A song about a guy falling for a girl, like The Beach Boy's "Good Vibrations," plays.

Charlie begins exploring his surroundings on foot.  Seeing that it is air conditioned, he enters the Du Drop Inn Red Cross Recreation Center.  He is welcomed by a beautiful Donut Dolly, AMY ARCHER (20), an African American who is wearing her uniform, a powder blue A-line dress.  She looks at his name tag.  

AMY ARCHER
Welcome, Lt. Stone.  Are you new to these parts?

Her work partner, DONUT DOLLY #2, waves hello.  Donut Dolly #2 is packing a duffel bag with quizzes, flashcards, and other homemade games for boosting morale and combating boredom among American troops in the field.

Charlie is amazed to meet an American woman in Vietnam.

CHARLIE
Brand new.  What are you two doing here?

AMY ARCHER
After graduating from Mills College, I volunteered for the Red Cross Supplemental Recreational Activities Overseas program.  I'll be here 12 months, like you.  I work in this rec center most of the time when I am not visiting fire bases.

There is chemistry between them, but Charlie is not aware of it, yet.

CHARLIE
The air conditioning is great.

AMY ARCHER
We have a pool table and lots of games.  

Charlie notices a Military Police (MP) lieutenant, LT. DAN STRAIGHT, sitting at a table putting together a plastic model of an airplane. Lt. Straight is a tall and muscular African American with a square jaw, sort of like a black Dudley Do-Right. 

AMY ARCHER
We help troops write love letters, too.

CHARLIE
No one to write to.

Amy smiles.

AMY ARCHER
Pardon me while I pack my game bag.  We're leaving early tomorrow morning for a day trip to a fire base. 

CHARLIE
I'll be back.  I've got more exploring to do.

Charlie leaves and Lt. Daniel Bellamy Straight, who has been listening, approaches Amy.  

LT. DAN STRAIGHT
So, I guess I can't take you out for a beer tonight.

Amy stays busy.

AMY ARCHER
That's correct, Dan.  

Lt. Straight smiles.

LT. DAN STRAIGHT
Anyway, we wouldn't want felons on the base to figure out you work undercover for the CID.  Though I would like you to do some undercover work with me one of these nights.

Amy frowns and looks stern.

AMY ARCHER
Good night, Dan.

Lt. Straight leaves.

INT. LIFE SERVICES DETACHMENT OFFICE - MORNING #39#

Charlie reports for his first day at his new job, a little late.  Only the Majors are there when he reports. 

MAJOR DICK #1
Good morning, Lt. Stone.

CHARLIE
Good morning, sir.  

MAJOR DICK #1
How's the jet lag?  We're 15 hours different from the West Coast.

CHARLIE
I'll survive, sir.  Thanks for asking.

MAJOR DICK #1
Here's the key to the lock on your jeep.  It's parked outside.  The lieutenant you're replacing wants a word with you, and a ride to the airport.

CHARLIE
Glad to, sir.

MAJOR DICK #1
He's visiting a friend off post.  Here's a map.

Major Dick #1 hands Charlie a map.

CHARLIE
Got it, sir.

Charlie leaves.

Major Dick #1 winks to Major Dick #2.

MAJOR DICK #1
Joy will be distraction numba one.

The Majors laugh.

EXT./INT.  CHARLIE'S JEEP - DAY #40#

Charlie follows the map off-post to his destination, driving on Saigon streets that are crowded with VIETNAMESE riding bicycles and motorbikes.  It's Mr. Toad's Wild Ride all over again.

INT.  OFF-BASE HOME - DAY #41#

Charlie knocks on the door and it is answered by JOY, a beautiful, smiling, but no-nonsense Vietnamese woman, in a form-fitting silk dress.

JOY
You Charlie Stone?

CHARLIE
Yes ma'am.

JOY
Come in.

She leads him to the living room.  There Charlie is greeted by GUY, the lieutenant he is replacing. Guy is naked under a silk smoking jacket and is clearly living with Joy. Charlie and Guy shake hands. 

GUY
Welcome to the air conditioned jungle.

CHARLIE
Thanks.  Any words of wisdom?

His back to Charlie, Guy smiles at Joy and begins to change into his uniform.

GUY
Well, I suggest you learn to appreciate being assigned to this job.

Charlie nods and smiles.

GUY
And Joy here will be needing someone to take care of her after I leave.  

Charlie is a little confused.  He looks at Joy, then at Guy, then at Joy, then at Guy.

GUY
Joy is a military contractor.  She supervises the 400 Steam and Cream workers on post.

Charlie looks more than a little confused.

GUY
Four hundred women work at the on-post Long Binh Steam Bath.  They're called Steam & Cream workers by the troops. 

CHARLIE
Oh, I get it.

GUY
You're Joy's immediate boss.

Joy smiles at Charlie.

CHARLIE
O. (beat) K.

GUY
You are also in charge of personally carrying change order paperwork between the off-post VietCorp office and the Majors.  Here is the briefcase to use for that.  It'll be locked and you won't have the combination.

Charlie accepts the briefcase from Guy and looks it over.  It is a Zero Halliburton brand brushed-aluminum model.

GUY
The VietCorp projects are pretty much on autopilot and won't take up much of your time.  So, enjoy.  Or maybe I should say (air quotes) "in Joy."

Charlie nods but doesn't quite understand.

GUY
Let's go.

Guy slaps Joy's butt and then gives Joy a kiss.  Charlie smiles at her, and Guy and Charlie leave.

INT./EXT. CHARLIE'S JEEP - DAY #42#

It is late in the afternoon when Charlie pulls his jeep up to this hooch.  He looks down the street, changes his mind and drives over to the Du Drop Inn.  He takes the briefcase in with him.

AMY ARCHER
We've got to stop meeting like this.

Charlie smiles.

CHARLIE
I thought you volunteered for this job.

Amy smiles back, until she sees the briefcase.  She stiffens and then quickly recovers.

AMY ARCHER
Nice briefcase.

Charlie is proud of his new job.

CHARLIE
Part of my new job.  I'm going to carry important paperwork in it.

AMY ARCHER
New job?

CHARLIE
Yeah.  I'm working for these twin majors who run the Life Services Detachment down the street.  

AMY ARCHER
You're their new Shake and Bake?

CHARLIE
That's me.  I'm in charge of construction of some new recreational facilities here.

AMY ARCHER
Hummmm.  Maybe you can give me a tour sometime.

CHARLIE
How about right now?

AMY ARCHER
Can't.  I'm bugging out to another fire base.  So, some other time?

Charlie smiles.

CHARLIE
Yes ma'am.

Amy leaves and after a moment Charlie leaves.

INT. LIFE SERVICES DETACHMENT OFFICE - DAY  #43#

Charlie is sitting at his desk, reading past progress reports.  

Sgt. Mac is typing on a Vietnam-era typewriter, very slowly with his index fingers, and without much luck.  At intervals, Sgt. Mac frowns, pulls a sheet out of his typewriter, crumples it, and tosses it into a pile of crumpled sheets on the floor.

Hal Burton arrives and walks over to Charlie.

HAL BURTON
Lt. Stone, welcome.  I'm Hal Burton.

Charlie stands and puts out his hand which Hal shakes.

HAL BURTON
Call me Hal.

CHARLIE
Good to meet you.  

HAL BURTON
I'd like to show you my favorite Saigon bar this evening, if you have time.

CHARLIE
Love to.

HAL BURTON
Pick you up at 1900 hours.  Wear your civies. 

CHARLIE
See you then.

Hal leaves and Sgt. Mac turns to Charlie.

SGT. MAC
Looks like you are going to get to see Hal's small organ.

Charlie furrows his brow and Sgt. Mac smiles.

SGT. MAC
You'll like it.

Charlie has a confused look on his face.

CUT TO:

INT.  CID OFFICE - DAY #44#

Amy enters the back door of a building with a misleading ACCOUNTING COMMAND sign out front.  She slips into the first room on the right.  AMY'S BOSS, a major, is reading at his desk.

AMY ARCHER
Captain Archer reporting, sir.

AMY'S BOSS
Cool your jets, Archer.  What've you got for me.

AMY ARCHER
The twin majors have a new lieutenant working for them.  His name is Charlie Stone.  I can't tell if he's dirty yet.

AMY'S BOSS
How about you make friends with Lt. Stone?  Find out what he knows.

AMY ARCHER
Wilco, sir.

AMY'S BOSS
Get out'a here.

Amy backs away, does an about-face, and leaves.

EXT. OUTSIDE DU DROP INN - DAY #45#

Lt. Straight intercepts Amy on the sidewalk outside her workplace.  He addresses her as he dismounts his jeep.

LT. STRAIGHT
Amy, hold up.

Amy turns toward him.  She is pleasant, but not beaming.

AMY ARCHER
Hi, Dan.

Lt. Straight walks up to her.

LT. STRAIGHT
I haven't seen you around. How are you doing?

Amy is diplomatic, but not interested.

AMY ARCHER
I've been busy.  I'm fine.

LT. STRAIGHT
When can I take you out for a drink?

AMY ARCHER
Maybe in a couple of weeks.  I have a lot on my plate right now.

LT. STRAIGHT
Can I help?

AMY ARCHER
Thanks, but no, Dan.  I have to get ready for a trip to a fire base. 

LT. STRAIGHT
Work, work, work.  And no play.

AMY ARCHER
That's me.  See you, Dan.

Amy walks into the Rec Center and Lt. Straight drives off.

CUT TO:

INT./EXT. HAL BURTON'S JEEP - NIGHT #46#

Hal Burton stops his jeep in front of Charlie's hooch and sounds the HORN.  The passenger seat is empty and a plain, varnished wooden box just about fills the rear bench seat.  Charlie emerges from his hooch wearing jeans, a nice collared shirt, and his dress black shoes.  He swings into the passenger seat.

CHARLIE
Thanks for the hospitality.

HAL BURTON
No problemo.  Hold on.  Saigon traffic is something.

The jeep careens through the streets of Saigon.  

CHARLIE
What's in the back.

HAL BURTON
That's my box organ.  We're going to the Cosmos Bar near the American Embassy.  Lots of civilians carouse there.  I play my box organ.  Other  guys sing or play other instruments.

CHARLIE
Cool.

The jeep arrives at the Cosmos Bar.  Hal chains the jeep to a lamp post.

INT. COSMOS BAR - NIGHT #47#

The smoky bar is in full swing when Hal and Charlie arrive.  A raucous acoustic folk song (e.g., one from the DVD of the program Kris Kristofferson hosted on Austin City Limits, IN COUNTRY: Folk Songs of Americans in the Vietnam War) is being performed live.  The audience is singing along.

VIETNAMESE WAITERS help Hal carry his box organ to the informal stage.  Hal talks into Charlie's ear.

HAL BURTON
Mostly CIA here tonight.  

Hal tosses his head toward the performers.

HAL BURTON
Those CIA guys are known as The Cosmos Tabernacle Choir.

Charlie grabs a seat and orders a beer while Hal sets up his organ and begins playing along.  Hal orders and begins drinking a mixed drink.

INT. COSMOS BAR - LATER #48#

The crowd has thinned.  Hal joins Charlie at his table.  They are both pretty sloshed. 

HAL BURTON
We'd better head out.  Don't want you to be late to work tomorrow.

CHARLIE
It's been fun.  Thanks for bringing me along.

HAL BURTON
One of these days, I'll bring you home to meet my wife.

Charlie is amazed.

CHARLIE
Your wife is here?

HAL BURTON
Well, I have a wife here, one in the Philippines, and one back in the World. 

CHARLIE
Oh.

That's a little much for Charlie to comprehend at his stage of inebriation.  He helps Hal carry the box organ out to Hal's jeep.

HAL BURTON
I have to pick up a couple of live lobsters on the way home.  Help me remember.

They stop at a fish market and Charlie notices lots of lobsters in aerated tanks.

EXT.  OUTSIDE CHARLIE'S HOOCH - NIGHT #49#

Charlie is standing outside his hooch in his uniform and finishing a joint when an MP jeep pulls up.  It's Lt. Straight and his PARTNER, who is driving.  Charlie snuffs out and eats the roach.  Lt. Straight rolls out of the jeep and walks up to Charlie and smiles as he looks at Charlie's name tag.

LT. STRAIGHT
Lt. Stone, we've had reports of marijuana smoke in this vicinity.

Charlie swallows the roach.

CHARLIE
Haven't noticed it myself.

LT. STRAIGHT
Smoking marijuana is a punishable offense, so please let us know if you see it happening.

Charlie looks at Lt. Straight's name tag.

CHARLIE
Will do, Lt. Straight.

LT. STRAIGHT
Aren't you the guy I saw talking with Captain Archer in the Rec Center?

CHARLIE
That's me.

LT. STRAIGHT
Just so you know, Amy and I are close.

CHARLIE
Good to know.  Good night, Lt. Straight.

Charlie walks toward the door of his hooch.  Lt. Straight pauses for a moment and then walks back to his jeep.


INT. LIFE SERVICES DETACHMENT OFFICE - DAY #50#

When Charlie arrives at work, Major Dick #2 speaks to him.

MAJOR DICK #2
Charlie, club officers are being shipped home more rapidly than we had planned.  We need for you to take over duties as the club officer of the Main Officers Club.

CHARLIE
Will do, sir.  What is involved?

MAJOR DICK #2
Accounting for all the liquor sold, buying food for special occasions on the local economy, hiring  entertainment, close the club after last call.  That sort of thing.  Sgt. Mac will help you.

Charlie smiles at Sgt. Mac.

CHARLIE
Sgt. Mac'll keep me straight.

SGT. MAC
You'll have lots of company.  There are 40 officers' and enlisted men's clubs on Long Binh Post.  

INT./EXT. CHARLIE'S JEEP - DAY #51#

Charlie pulls his jeep up to the VietCorp Construction Management Office in Saigon.  Amy is with him.  Both are dressed in their work uniforms.

Charlie uses a chain to lock his jeep to a lamp post.

INT. CONSTRUCTION MANAGEMENT OFFICE - DAY #52#

Charlie walks into the VietCorp Construction Management Office with Amy.  

About 20 male Vietnamese DRAFTERS are sitting at drafting tables with titled tops in a bullpen.  Along the back wall are office doors.

A few of the Drafters are shooting spit balls at one another through straws.  So many of the Drafters are smoking cigarettes and coughing, the air is hazy.

AMY ARCHER
Thanks for the tour.

CHARLIE
My pleasure.

Charlie nods his head at the closest Drafter.

CHARLIE
This is where the initial designs for the components of my project are developed and where change order documents are generated when a design change is necessary. 

Amy looks around.

AMY ARCHER
There are no GIs working here.

CHARLIE
That's right.  All the design work is being performed by VietCorp under a design/build contract.

AMY ARCHER
What do you do?

CHARLIE
I monitor the contractor.  One of my specific duties is to carry change order paperwork from this office to my bosses at Life Services Detachment.  I use that briefcase to do that.

Charlie points to the briefcase which is sitting on a nearby table.

AMY ARCHER
There must be a lot of money involved.

CHARLIE
A lot.  I wish I had a piece of the action!

Amy is confused by that statement and becomes wary.  Charlie does not pick up on her wariness.

CHARLIE
Let's visit the construction site.

EXT.  LAKE CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY #53#

A song about being enmeshed in a difficult situation, like Stealers Wheel's "Stuck in the Middle with You", plays.

Charlie arrives at the recreational lake construction site with Amy in his jeep.  They disembark and stand looking at the construction activity.

Hundreds of VIETNAMESE WORKERS appear to be on a break from excavating the lake using hand tools and wheelbarrows.  

Not much actual excavation is going on.  Most of the workers are leaning on their shovels, instead of working.  A SUPERVISOR approaches Charlie.

SUPERVISOR
Lieutenant, we need more shovels.

Charlie nods.

CHARLIE
(to the Supervisor)
I'll let Hal know.

AMY ARCHER
The lake is going to be huge, if it ever gets finished.

Charlie smiles ruefully.

AMY ARCHER
Let me give you a tour of the PX.

INT. LONG BINH POST EXCHANGE - DAY #54#

Amy and Charlie enter the Long Binh PX.  It is a big as a Walmart superstore and full of the goodies twenty-something year old soldiers think they really need.  

Amy points out the amenities.

AMY ARCHER
Along that wall is the shoeshine department.

SOLDIERS are having their boots shined by Vietnamese BOOTBLACKS in an unbelievably long line of elevated chairs. 

They continue walking.

AMY ARCHER
That part of the store is the barbershop.

Other Soldiers are being given short haircuts by BARBERS in a long line of barber chairs.  After a haircut, the Barbers strap o vibrator on each of their hands and give the Other Soldiers a shoulder massage. 

CHARLIE
I was wondering where haircuts happen around here.

They continue walking.

AMY ARCHER
This is the stereo department.  Great deals on reel-to-reel tape decks, amplifiers, and speakers. 

Lots of 1960s and 1970s stereo equipment is being inspected by other Soldiers.

CHARLIE
Cool.

They continue walking.

AMY ARCHER
Here is the camera department.  Nikon's are particularly low priced, but you have to scrape the name off for some reason.

They continue walking.

AMY ARCHER
This is the largest department of all:  the liquor department.

Charlie picks up a CASE OF BEER.

CHARLIE
Wow!  What a great price.  They are giving this stuff away.  I want one of these.

They walk over to the many checkout lines and get in one.

Lt. Straight is standing in one of the other lines and gives Charlie the stink eye.

INT. LIFE SUPPORT DETACHMENT OFFICE - DAY #55#

Charlie is called into Major Dick #1's office.  Major Dick #1 is MUMBLING as he scrapes dog poop off the bottom of one of his shoes with an old combat knife.

MAJOR DICK #1
Damn feral dogs.  Oh, Lt. Stone, how is your project coming along?

CHARLIE
Fine, sir.  I got a request for more shovels which I communicated to Hal.

MAJOR DICK #1
Wonderful.  We need the project completed by mid-May.

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

MAJOR DICK #1
You understand the consequences if that doesn't happen.

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

 MAJOR DICK #1
Good. Wen you leave, could you send Sgt. Mac in?

Charlie exits the Major's office.

INT. OFFICERS' CLUB - NIGHT #56#

Charlie and Doc are out for a drink.  A Vietnamese barmaid, ALISON BECHDEL, is tending bar.

ALISON
Hello, boss.

CHARLIE
PBR for me.

DOC
Me, too.

CHARLIE
I'm starting to get worried about my project finishing on time.  

DOC
What's the problem?

CHARLIE
I don't know.  Lots of people are working on the job, but very little gets accomplished.

DOC
That's normal around here.

CHARLIE
That's not good enough.  I am going to be sent into combat if my project is not completed on schedule.

DOC
Well, then, what are you going to do about it?

CHARLIE
I'm not exactly sure, but with so many U.S. units leaving, maybe it would be possible to use some of their equipment before they leave.

DOC
I have a friend in a Sea Bee unit.  Maybe he can help.  Let's go sit down with him.

They leave.

EXT.  SEA BEE MOTOR POOL - NIGHT #57#

Charlie and Doc visit Doc's friend, RICK, the Sea Bee.

DOC
Rick, what's happening?

RICK
Doc, I'm fine.  We're scheduled to return to the World in a month.

DOC
Congrats, short timer.  This is my friend and hoochmate, Charlie.

Charlie and Rick shake hands.

RICK
Good to meet you.  What do you do around here?  

CHARLIE
I am responsible for construction of a recreational facility.  Actually, I monitor VietCorp's work on the project.

RICK
Good luck with that.  VietCorp appears to have lost the ability to get anything done, if they ever had it.

CHARLIE
That's definitely been my experience so far.  If I could just get my hands on some earth-moving equipment.

RICK
I think I can help you with that.  Actually, I was looking for someone to take it off my hands.  Over the war, we have accumulated excess, undocumented equipment that we can't bring back to the States.  

CHARLIE
Sounds interesting.  What kind?

RICK
Two scrapers, two backhoes, and a bulldozer.  The Vietnamese operators are still around, but I don't have any money to pay them these days.

CHARLIE
I think I can get a hold of some cash.  How much would I need?

RICK
About $100 per work week, including fuel.

CHARLIE
Let me work on that.

They shake hands again.

DOC
Thanks, Rick.  Better than digging trenches and burying the damn things before we leave, like everybody else.  Right?

INT. MAIN OFFICERS CLUB - DAY #58#

Charlie and Sgt. Mac are behind the bar at the Main Officers Club.  Sgt. Mac explains to Charlie how the club operates.

SGT. MAC
Each night, after last call, an accounting of all liquor sold is performed.  These marked sticks are used to measure how many shots are left in each hard liquor bottle.

Sgt. Mac hands Charlie one of the sticks and Charlie examines the stick.

SGT. MAC
Similarly, the remaining cans of beers are counted.  Then, the till is counted and cash is locked in a safe. The amount of income is supposed to match the amount of liquor sold, less spillage, on a daily basis.

CHARLIE
What do you mean by spillage?

SGT. MAC
Come out back and I'll show you.

Charlie accompanies Sgt. Mac to the alley behind the club.  There, Sgt. Mac. picks up an empty scotch bottle and throws it against the wall, where it breaks.

SGT. MAC
Oops.  That's spillage.

EXT. BASEBALL FIELD - DAY #59#

Amy takes Charlie to a baseball game which has not started yet.  They both realize they are on a "date."

CHARLIE
Who's who?

Amy points to one team after another.

AMY ARCHER
Well, the guys with dirty uniforms are the Grunts.  They are the favorites.  The guys with the clean uniforms and shiny boots are the REMFs.

CHARLIE
What's a REMF?

Amy whispers in Charlie's ear.

AMY ARCHER
Rear Echelon Mother Fucker.  That would be your team.

CHARLIE
For now.  So, no Juicers versus the Stoners, or Lifers versus the Draftees?

AMY ARCHER
That would be a little too much reality for the military.

CHARLIE
I see.

They watch the game for a while.

AMY ARCHER
What do you mean by "for now?"

CHARLIE
Well, my bosses have given me six months to get my project finished.  If I don't, I become a grunt.

Amy grabs Charlie's arm from the side, pulls him close, gives him a peck on the cheek, puts her head on his shoulder, and has a dreamy look I her eyes.

INT. DEW DROP INN RED CROSS RECREATION CENTER - DAY #60#

Amy and Donut Dolly #2 are sitting around talking.

DONUT DOLLY #2
I saw you and Charlie at the baseball game.

AMY ARCHER
Our first date.

DONUT DOLLY #2
It didn't look like a first date to me.  You looked smitten. 

AMY ARCHER
It was that obvious?

DONUT DOLLY #2
Yes.  You'd better check him out.  Remember who he's replacing.

AMY ARCHER
You're right.  I will.

INT. CHARLIE'S JEEP - NIGHT #61#

Charlie is driving his jeep from the VietCorp office to the Life Services Detachment office.  He has his briefcase with him.

Suddenly, a CHILD walks out into the road, forcing Charlie to crash into the back of another jeep that is parked on the side of the road.

CHARLIE
Shit!

Charlie's briefcase slams into the dashboard and springs open.  Charlie sees that it is full of packets of $20 bills.

CHARLIE
Oh, shit!

A song about compromises, like John Prine's The Great Compromise, plays.

Charlie quickly closes and relocks the briefcase.  Then, he backs his jeep up and drives off.

INT. MAIN OFFICERS CLUB - DAY #62#

Amy walks into the Main Officer's Club in her civies and sits down at the bar.  Alison is tending bar.

ALISON
What can I get you?

AMY ARCHER
A cold beer.

Alison delivers the beer.

AMY ARCHER
Say, who is Joy hanging around with these days?

ALISON
I'm her #1 girlfriend.  You interested in her?

AMY ARCHER
No, no.  I was just curious.

ALISON
Just me for now.

INT. LIFE SUPPORT DETACHMENT OFFICE - DAY #63#

Charlie arrives at the office and hands his briefcase to Major Dick #1 like nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

MAJOR DICK #1
Thanks, Lt. Stone.  I will review the change orders.

Blowtorch Bob rushes into the office and collars Charlie.

BLOWTORCH BOB
Lt. Stone, I have a job for you.

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.  What can I do for you?

BLOWTORCH BOB
I want you to arrange for a white line to be painted down the middle of the road between here and my office in Saigon.  I just got run off the damn road.  A damn line would help.

CHARLIE
Will do, sir.

Blowtorch Bob leaves the office in a huff.

CHARLIE
Sgt. Mac.  You heard the general.  Any ideas.

SGT. MAC
Contact the Base Maintenance Office and see if they will loan you their line-painting machine and give you some paint. 

CHARLIE
Great idea.  I'm on it.

INT. DU DROP INN RED CROSS RECREATION CENTER - LATER #64#

Charlie enters the Du Drop Inn looking for Amy.  She is there, packing a bag, as usual.  Otherwise, the place is empty.

CHARLIE
Amy, I need some advice.

Amy sits down with Charlie.

AMY ARCHER
What's on your mind?

CHARLIE
Well, I've made a discovery that's very disturbing.

AMY ARCHER
And?

CHARLIE
You know that locked briefcase I carry around a lot?

Amy perks up, looks doubtful, and speaks slowly.

AMY ARCHER
I remember.  Yes.

CHARLIE
Well, I had a little fender bender today.  When my jeep smacked into a parked car, the briefcase popped open.

AMY ARCHER
I'm sorry to hear that. Are you OK?

CHARLIE
I'm OK, but you'll never imagine what was in the briefcase.

AMY ARCHER
Change order paperwork?

CHARLIE
No, it was packets of $20 bills.  I (beat) I think my bosses are being bribed.

Amy relaxes, breaks out in a big smile, gets up, drags him up, and plants a big kiss on Charlie's lips.  Surprised, he kisses back.

CHARLIE
What did I do?

AMY ARCHER
You showed me you're not part of the corrupt activities I've been investigating.

CHARLIE
Investigating?

AMY ARCHER
We've suspected your bosses for a while now.

CHARLIE
Who is "we?"

AMY ARCHER
You'd better sit down.

Charlie sits down and Amy follows.

AMY ARCHER
Charlie, I'm an undercover cop.

CHARLIE
What?

AMY ARCHER
I'm not a Donut Dolly.  That's just my cover.

Charlie frowns.

CHARLIE
So, you were just using me?

AMY ARCHER
I really like you, but I was unsure whether you were in on the scheme.  Now I know you're not.

CHARLIE
I'm confused.  I need some time to think.

Charlie gets up and walks toward the door.

AMY ARCHER
Charlie, don't go.  You may be in danger.

CHARLIE
Why should I trust you?

Charlie walks out the door.  Amy is disappointed.

INT./EXT. CHARLIE'S JEEP - NIGHT #65#

Charlie goes for a ride on his jeep, to think.  He stops at an intersection where a POLICEMAN is directing traffic.  Three PRIESTS, dressed in black, are standing on the sidewalk.

PRIESTS
(to the audience)
Our boy's a bag man, wouldn't you know; and now he's found a secret  beau.  Can they work as one to solve the crime; or will our boy have to serve time?            

Charlie is waved on by the Policeman.

INT. CHARLIE'S HOOCH - NIGHT #66#

Charlie returns to his hooch.  Doc is there, working on some electronic surveillance prototype.

CHARLIE
You won't believe what just happened to me.

DOC
I'm on my third tour.  Try me.

CHARLIE
Amy just told me she thought I was taking bribes from VietCorp.

DOC
Well, there is a lot of bribing going on around here.

CHARLIE
I thought she liked me.

DOC
She does like you, you idiot.

CHARLIE
I feel used.

DOC
Well, get over it.  There's a war going on.  Everyone here gets used.

CHARLIE
I guess you're right.  I'll talk to her tomorrow.

Charlie flops down on his bunk and GROANS.

DOC
You think you got problems?  We just figured out there are no dogs on the Ho Chi Minh trail.

CHARLIE
Why's that important?

Doc smiles.

DOC
Can't tell you.  Secret.

Einstein jumps up on Charlie's bunk and licks him in the face.  Charlie smiles.

INT. OFFICERS' CLUB BAR - DAY #67#

Charlie shows up at the Officer's Club.  Joy is serving.

JOY
Welcome, boss.

CHARLIE
Thanks.  How about a beer?

Joy serves Charlie a Pabst Blue Ribbon.

CHARLIE
I need your help.  I need to scrounge $200 cash to give to a Sea Bee unit.

JOY
Why you have to pay Sea Bee unit?

CHARLIE
My lake construction project is behind schedule and I need to pay Vietnamese operators of Sea Bee construction equipment to catch up.

JOY
OK.  You can sign paper for cash in till and another paper for spillage.

CHARLIE
Show me how.

Joy shows Charlie the forms, which he fills out and signs.  Joy then places $100 in a paper bag.

JOY
Here is cash.  We need food from local vendors for a party.  You can buy receipts for cash, too.

CHARLIE
Great idea.  Thanks, Joy.

Charlie downs his beer and leaves with the bag.

INT. SEA BEE UNIT - DAY #68#

Charlie returns to the Sea Bee Unit.  Rick is repairing a piece of his equipment.

RICK
Hi there, Charlie.

CHARLIE
I want to hire your crew to help with excavation of my lake project.  Here is $100 for a week of help.

RICK
Can do.  When and where do we show up?

CHARLIE
West end of A Street.  Monday, first thing.

RICK
We'll be there.

They shake hands.

EXT. THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD - DAY #69#

The sun is beating down and the humidity is off the chart.  

Charlie, Sgt. Mac, a Vietnamese MACHINE OPERATOR, and a Vietnamese TRUCK DRIVER are unloading a handles-operated line-painting machine from a truck.  They accidentally lower the machine onto a foot of the Machine Operator, who yells loudly and jumps around on his other foot.  Charlie speaks to the Machine Operator.

CHARLIE
I'm so sorry.

Then Charlie speaks to the Truck Driver.

CHARLIE
Please take him to the infirmary.

The Truck Driver nods.

SGT. MAC
Are you sure you want to do this today?  You are looking a little flushed.

Charlie is sweating and has a little sun stroke going on.

CHARLIE
We can do this.  How hard could it be?

SGT. MAC
You're the boss.

Charlie pulls a rope to get the gasoline engine on the machine working, maneuvers it to the middle of the road, and points it down the road.  He then flips the paint valve to the "on" position and proceeds to steer the machine along what he thinks is the middle of the road.  Sgt. Mac walks ahead and directs traffic away from the middle of the road.  After a hundred yards or so, Charlie stops and speaks to Sgt. Mac.   

CHARLIE
Piece of cake.

They look back at the line Charlie has painted on the road and see that the line meanders back and forth around the mid-point of the road.  Both Charlie and Sgt. Mac laugh.  Charlie mumbles through his laughter.

CHARLIE
Darn.  I need a drink.

CUT TO:

INT. CID OFFICE - DAY #70#

Amy slips into the CID Office and heads for her boss's desk.

AMY ARCHER
Captain Archer reporting, sir.

AMY'S BOSS
What do you have for me, Archer?

Amy is smiling as she explains what she has learned.

AMY ARCHER
Lt. Stone just told me that the locked briefcase he was carrying from VietCorp to his bosses was accidentally jolted open. 

AMY'S BOSS
And?

AMY ARCHER
He discovered that the briefcase contained bundles of $20 bills.

AMY'S BOSS
Interesting.  Is he willing to help us nail the perpetrators?

Amy looks down a little sheepishly.

AMY ARCHER
Well, he's sort of angry at me at his point, for working undercover and not telling him.

AMY'S BOSS
So, he's angry at your having suspected him of being in on the scheme?

AMY ARCHER
Yes.

AMY'S BOSS
Well, see what you can do about that.  We need his cooperation.

AMY ARCHER
Will do, sir.

Amy salutes her Boss, does a crisp about face, and leaves.

INT. LIFE SUPPORT DETACHMENT OFFICE - DAY #71#

Charlie walks into the LSD office.  As he heads for his desk, he hears Blowtorch Bob talking with the Majors.

BLOWTORCH BOB
How's the planning for the Bob Hope Christmas Show?

MAJOR DICK #1
We expect that our 30,000 seat amphitheater will be full to overflowing, just like last year. 

BLOWTORCH BOB
I want the generals' dinner to be special.  I'm thinking lobster.

MAJOR DICK #1
It's kind of late to order them from Maine.

Charlie walks into the meeting.

CHARLIE
Sirs, good afternoon.  I think I can obtain some lobsters locally.  How many do you need?

BLOWTORCH BOB
Good man.  We'll need around 100, medium sized. Live lobsters, of course.

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

BLOWTORCH BOB
Use petty cash and get receipts.

CHARLIE
Will do, sir.

Charlie heads for his desk.

INT.  CHARLIE'S HOOCH - NIGHT #72#

Charlie is on his bunk reading one of his old Playboy magazines when Amy KNOCKS on the door of his hooch.  Charlie puts the magazine under a stack of papers and opens the door.

CHARLIE
It's you.

AMY ARCHER
Charlie, I want to apologize.  

CHARLIE
Come in.

Amy enters the hooch and Charlie offers her a chair.

AMY ARCHER
I was not hanging around you because I thought you were crooked.  Your bosses are crooked and so was the guy you replaced, but I never thought you were.  But, my job was to make sure.

CHARLIE
I guess I understand.  You did surprise me, though.

Amy gives Charlie a kiss and smiles seductively.

AMY ARCHER
Let's go to my place.

Charlie smiles, nods, and they leave together.

INT.  AMY'S HOOCH - MORNING #73#

It's Sunday morning.  There are beer cans on the coffee table, along with Charlie's clothes.  

As the sun rises, Charlie wakes up in Amy's bed. He rubs the sleep from his eyes.  Amy is just back from taking a shower and is dressed in a pink towel and pink slippers.  She is standing on the far side of her bed, wrapped in the pink towel and drying her hair with a smaller towel.

AMY ARCHER
You're a good sleeper.

CHARLIE
Every hour I spend asleep is an hour I am not in the Army.

Charlie rolls out of bed with his back to us.  Amy glances down.

AMY ARCHER
Whoa.  I have to get to work.

Charlie smiles and grabs her larger towel.  Amy turns and smiles back.

EXT.  CONSTRUCTION SITE - MORNING #74#

It's Monday morning.  Vietnamese Workers are clocking in for work.  Charlie is standing next to his jeep at the edge of the excavation.

FLASHBACK

Charlie flashes back to kissing Amy in the nude.

END FLASHBACK

A RUMBLING SOUND is heard.  TWO big yellow SCRAPERS, two BACKFOES, and a BULLDOZER are clanking up the street toward the excavation.  Charlie walks over to the Supervisor and points to the earth-moving equipment.

CHARLIE
I got you a shovel.

The Supervisor smiles.

SUPERVISOR
Your shovel numba one.

CHARLIE
When the equipment gets here, let them know where you want the hole to be dug and how deep.  And let them know where you want the dirt put.

SUPERVISOR
Will do.

The Supervisor walks over to an entrance to the excavation and waves at the EQUIPMENT OPERATORS.

When the Scrapers, Backhoes, and Bulldozer arrive at the entrance to the construction project, the Operators turn off their engines, jump down from their cabs, and walk over to the Supervisor.  The Supervisor points and waves at the excavation while he speaks to the Operators.

Charlie watches as the Operators turn on their engines, drive into the excavation and begin scooping earth up in the First Scrapers' bowl, with the Dozer pushing on the rear end of the First Scraper to allow it to cut deeper in the earth.  When the bowl fills, the Operator drives out of the excavation and spreads the contents of the bowl where he was directed to place it.  This happens over and over with the Bulldozer pushing each Scraper in turn.

The Backhoe is used to dig holes for the foundation of a fishing pier.

Charlie smiles and gives the thumbs up to the Supervisor who smiles back.  The Workers happily continue to lean on their shovels. 

EXT. OUTSIDE CHARLIE'S HOOCH - NIGHT #75#

Charlie stumbles out of Sgt. Mac's jeep outside of his hooch.  Charlie is pretty toasted.

SGT. MAC
Congrats again, lieutenant.

CHARLIE
Thanks, Sargent. 

Lt. Straight, dressed in civilian clothes, appears from the side of the hooch.

SGT. MAC
You know that guy?

CHARLIE
Yes, it's OK.  See you tomorrow.

Sgt. Mac drives off.  Charlie walks toward the front door of his hooch and Lt. Straight steps in his way.  Lt. Straight is even drunker than Charlie is.

CHARLIE
How can I help you, Lt. Straight?

Lt. Straight steps closer to Charlie and is now in his face.  His speech is a little slurred. 

LT. STRAIGHT
 I want you to leave Amy alone.

Charlie smiles.

CHARLIE
All's fair in...

Lt. Straight grabs Charlie by the shoulders and slams him hard against the wall.  Charlie is not smiling now.

LT. STRAIGHT
She's my girl.  Got it?

Charlie remains quiet.

LT. STRAIGHT
If I catch you around her any more, you're going to spend some time in the stockade.

CHARLIE
I understand.

That satisfies Lt. Straight, who staggers off.

EXT.  OUTSIDE LIFE SUPPORT DETACHMENT OFFICE - DAY #76#

Major Dick #1 is walking to his Office.  Several DOGS are playing in the yard outside the office.  Major Dick #1 steps in a pile of dog poop.  He shakes his soiled boot and tries to rub the poop off on the ground.

MAJOR DICK #1
Damn dogs everywhere!  This has got to stop.

Three ENLISTED MEN walk by and snicker.

INT.  LIFE SUPPORT DETACHMENT OFFICE - LATER #77#

Major Dick #1 enters the office and calls for Sgt. Mac.

MAJOR DICK #1
Sargeant, I've had it.  I want you to pull a detail together and shoot every damned dog on this post.

SGT. MAC
Every dog?

MAJOR DICK #1
Every dog.  And dispose of their bodies.

SGT. MAC
Sir, many of the dogs are pets.

MAJOR DICK #1
Well, they are going to be dead pets.

SGT. MAC
Yes, sir.

Sgt. Mac leaves the building.

INT./EXT. SGT. MAC'S JEEP - LATER #78#

Sgt. Mac and two ENLISTED MEN are riding in his jeep which is pulling a small trailer.  They are armed with M-16 rifles are driving along a road on the post when they see a dog.  They don't know it, but the dog is Einstein.  

The Enlisted Men jump out of the jeep and shoot at Einstein.  One of the bullets hits Einstein in the right back lower leg.  Einstein cries out and runs off.  

SGT. MAC
Damn!

The Enlisted Men jump back in the jeep and they pursue Einstein, but he hides under a building and evades them.

INT.  MAIN OFFICERS CLUB - DAY #79#

Charlie enters the club and heads for the cash register.  As he attempts to opens it, Joy grabs his arm and nods her head toward the door to the club office.  They enter the office.

JOY
Boss, you got to find another way to get money for your project.

CHARLIE
Why?  What's going on?

JOY
We had an inspection.  Inspector said our spillage too much.  We will end up in LBJ if continue.

Charlie is confused.

JOY
Long Binh Jail.

CHARLIE
Crap!  I guess it had to happen sometime.  Thanks, Joy.  I'll think of another way.

Charlie leaves.

INT. CHARLIE'S HOOCH - NIGHT #80#

Charlie is relaxing on his bunk when he hears a knock on his door.  He opens the door and it's Amy.

CHARLIE
Come on in.

Amy enters and gives Charlie a kiss.

AMY ARCHER
What you doing for Christmas?

CHARLIE
One thing I'm doing is buying some live lobsters for the generals' get together.

AMY ARCHER
And?

CHARLIE
That's about it.

AMY ARCHER
Good.  I can bring a guest to the Bob Hope Christmas Show, and you're it.

Charlie looks a little worried.

AMY ARCHER
What?

CHARLIE
Well, I guess Dan will be busy MP'ing.

AMY ARCHER
Forget about Dan.  I have.

They kiss and smile.

CHARLIE
There is no one I'd rather go to the show with.

AMY ARCHER
Good.  That's settled.  See you when I get back from fire-base duty.

Amy leaves.

INT.  MAIN OFFICERS CLUB - DAY #81#

Charlie enters the club.  Joy is behind the bar.

CHARLIE
Joy, I need to talk with you in the back.

They walk to the back room.

CHARLIE
I need for you to act as a translator.  I need 100 live lobsters for the generals on Christmas.  

Joy smiles.

JOY
No problem.

CHARLIE
I also need receipts for about $500 more than I actually pay, so I can pay the equipment operators digging out my lake.

Charlie smiles sheepishly.

JOY
Gonna cost you.

Charlie smiles wider.

CHARLIE
Deal.

Charlie leaves.

EXT. SAIGON FISH MARKET - DAY #82#

Finally, Joy and the Fishmonger shake hands.  

Buckets of live lobsters are loaded into a small trailer that is attached to Charlie's jeep by two FISHMONGER'S HELPERS.

Charlie pays for the lobsters and his handed a RECEIPT by the Fishmonger.

As Charlie turns away to get into the driver's seat of his jeep, the Fishmonger quickly hands Joy and envelope containing her kickback.

Catching a glimpse of the transaction, Charlie smiles at Joy.

INT.  OFFICER'S OPEN MESS - LATER #83#

Charlie and Joy stand aside his jeep as two KITCHEN POLICE unload the lobsters.   

Charlie hands his Receipt to the MESS SARGEANT and the Mess Sargeant counts out and hands Charlie the money he "spent" on the lobsters.

EXT. LONG BINH AMPHITHEATER - DAY #84#

Archival footage of the 30,000 troops at the Bob Hope Christmas Special is shown.  

CGI technology is used to add Charlie and Amy to the crowd. 

INT.  LONG BIHN POST OFFICE - DAY #85#

Major #2 is shipping two boxes back to the World.  He is being served by a POSTAL CLERK.

POSTAL CLERK
Contents?

MAJOR DICK #2
Stereo speakers.

POSTAL CLERK
What kind?

MAJOR DICK #2
Bose 901's.

POSTAL CLERK
Those suckers are heavy.

MAJOR DICK #2
Yep.

Major Dick #1 pays the Clerk and leaves.

INT. LIFE SUPPORT DETACHMENT OFFICE - DAY #86#

Charlie is making a flip-chart presentation to the Majors about progress on the construction project.  Sgt. Mac is flipping the pages.  One of his flip charts shows a cross section through the middle of the project.

CHARLIE
This chart shows the original land and final bottom surface elevations along a cross-section through the middle of the lake.  The dashed line is the surveyed elevation of the bottom at this time. 

MAJOR DICK #1
How long has the excavation been going on?

CHARLIE
About three months, sir.

MAJOR DICK #1 
So, it should be about 50% complete.

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

MAJOR DICK #1
But, it's not.

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

MAJOR DICK #1
You remember our deal, right?

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.  The project must be finished by the six-month point, or I'll be transferred to the field.

MAJOR DICK #1
Glad you remembered.  See what you can do to speed up the excavation.

CHARLIE
Will do, sir.

Charlie looks away from the Majors toward Sgt. Mac and frowns.

MAJOR DICK #1
Oh, and, there is another change order document we need for you to pick up at VietCorp.

CHARLIE
On my way, sir.

INT./EXT. CHARLIE'S JEEP - DAY #87#

Charlie is driving his jeep back from the VietCorp office to the LSD office.  

He pulls over and stops.  He picks up the briefcase and knocks it against the dashboard.  It opens.  

Charlie pulls a package of $20 bills out of the briefcase, counts off 50 bills and places the package back in the briefcase.  

He smiles as he drives off.

INT. DEW DROP INN - DAY #88#

Amy is alone, organizing game materials at the Dew Drop Inn when Lt. Straight arrives.  He confronts her.

LT. STRAIGHT
What's going on between you and Charlie?

AMY ARCHER
Sorry, Dan.  Charlie and I like each other.  A lot.

LT. STRAIGHT
But, he's a stoner.

AMY ARCHER
You know as well as I do that over a third of the guys here smoke dope.

Amy turns to leave.

LT. STRAIGHT
What about us?

AMY ARCHER
Dan, there's been no "us" for quite a while now.  I want you to move on.

LT. STRAIGHT
But, we're both cops.

AMY ARCHER
Yes, we are.  And I need your help, as a fellow cop.

LT. STRAIGHT
How?

AMY ARCHER
Charlie recently discovered that his bosses are being bribed by VietCorp.  He told me about it and I told him I was already investigating the corruption as an undercover cop.

LT. STRAIGHT
You trust him? A stoner?

AMY ARCHER
We trust each other.

Lt. Straight sits down and Amy does, too.

LT. STRAIGHT
OK, what's next?

AMY ARCHER
We still don't have evidence about who is taking the money and what they are doing with it.  So, we're working on that.  You can help by not causing trouble for Charlie.

LT. STRAIGHT
 All right.  I will.

INT. MAJOR'S HOOCH - NIGHT #89#

The Majors are at home for the night.  Major Dick #1 is reading a coffee-table-type travel book about Europe.

Major Dick #2 is sitting at their card table counting the last installment of their ill-gotten loot and packing it in a pair of hollowed-out stereo speakers.  He stares at one of  the bundles of $20 bills.   

MAJOR DICK #2
One of these bundles is short $1,000.

MAJOR DICK #1
That's new.  How do you think it happened?

Major Dick #2 turns to face Major Dick #1.

MAJOR DICK #2
Well, it could be that Hal or whoever he gets our cash from is taking a cut.  Or it could be Lt. Stone.

MAJOR DICK #1
I'll double check the count and then, tomorrow I'll have a talk with Hal.

MAJOR DICK #2
Sounds like a plan.

Major Dick #2 returns to his packaging task.

INT./EXT. MAJOR DICK #1'S JEEP - DAY #90#

Major Dick #1 and Hal Burton are riding around Long Binh Post in the Major's jeep.  Major Dick #1 is driving. 

MAJOR DICK #1
Hal, on another topic, one of the bundles you sent over in the briefcase was short a thousand bucks.

HAL BURTON
What?  That can't have happened.  We're very careful.

MAJOR DICK #1
Well, it did.  What do you think?

HAL BURTON
It must be the bag man.  I'll ask some questions at his project site.

MAJOR DICK #1
Thanks.  We need to plug the leak wherever it is.  Quickly.

Major Dick #1 stops the jeep at VietCorp office.  Hal Burton disembarks and heads for his jeep. 

EXT.  LAKE CONSTRUCTION PROJECT - DAY #91#

Hal Burton arrives at the lake construction project and is amazed to see the scrapers at work.  He walks over to the Supervisor.

HAL BURTON
Where did the scrapers come from?

SUPERVISOR
Lt. Stone scrounged them from a Sea Bee friend.

HAL BURTON
Who's paying the operators?

SUPERVISOR
Lt. Stone's paying them $1,000 a week.

HAL BURTON
Interesting.  Thanks.

Hal walks back to this jeep, starts it, and takes off.

INT.  MAJORS' HOOCH - NIGHT #92#

It's dark outside, but the lights are on in the Majors' hooch.

Hal is standing at the back door.  He looks around and then knocks.  Major Dick #2 opens the door.

HAL BURTON
I know we agreed not to meet away from our duties, but I have news.

MAJOR DICK #2
Come in.

Major Dick #2 leans out, scanning the darkness for witnesses.  There are none.

Hal Burton enters the hooch.  Major Dick #1 is there, too.

HAL BURTON
The supervisor on the lake project has confirmed that Lt. Stone is paying the operators of scrapers he has borrowed from the Sea Bees $100 a week.

The Majors look at one another.

MAJOR DICK #1
Well, we have our culprit.  

HAL BURTON
It's been going on for months.

MAJOR DICK #2
The question is:  What do we do about it?

MAJOR DICK #1
Well, one thing we don't do is admit to him that we know about the payments.  So, we can't confront him.

MAJOR DICK #2
But waiting is costing us big time.

HAL BURTON
I think you guys have to get rid of him.

That upsets Major Dick #2.

MAJOR DICK #2
Get rid of him!  You mean kill him?

Major Dick #1 shakes his head and frowns as he looks a his brother.

MAJOR DICK #1
No, it means we get him transferred to a combat unit and let the Vietcong take care of our problem.

MAJOR DICK #2
But his trial period has not ended.

MAJOR DICK #1
Well, we know he's a stoner.  All we have to do is catch him smoking marijuana.     

They all smile.

INT.  AMY'S HOOCH - NIGHT #93#

Charlie and Amy are in bed, naked under a sheet, talking.  Above Charlie's bed, on the wall, is a large-print poster, s with the following words on it:  "DROS  1 NOV".

CHARLIE
Will your parents accept me, us?

AMY
It will take a little getting used to, but, yes, I think so.  Yours?

CHARLIE
I'll work on them.  But, actually, I just want to be with you.

AMY
I'll help.

They snuggle and Amy turns off the light.

A song about doing things right four or five times is playing, e.g, Sister Rosetta Tharpe's "Four or Five Times."

EXT. LAKE CONSTRUCTION PROJECT - DAY #94#

Charlie is excited.  He is about to reach his goal.  

Four ski boats, on trailers, are being unloaded from two shipping containers by Construction Workers.   

Charlie peers into one of four plastic tanks situated in third refrigerated shipping container that hold hundreds of large large-mouth bass in clear, aerated water.

EXT.  OUTSIDE CHARLIE'S HOOCH - EVENING #95#

Charlie is burning one outside in back of his hooch when Lt. Straight rounds the corner dressed in his MP uniform.  Charlie folds his roach inside his mouth.

LT. STRAIGHT
Spit that out before you burn yourself.

Charlie complies and coughs a few times.  Then smiles sheepishly.

LT. STRAIGHT
We got an anonymous call saying someone was smoking marijuana in this vicinity.

CHARLIE
A third of the base smokes marijuana.

LT. STRAIGHT
You don't have to tell me.  Anyway, Amy asked me to help you guys, so I won't turn you in.  But be more careful.  Someone's after you.

Charlie pauses for a second, then smiles.

CHARLIE
Thanks. I appreciate it.

Lt. Straight leaves.

EXT.  LAKE CONSTRUCTION PROJECT - DAY #96#

It's the big day.  Charlie is on hand to watch turn on two large diesel-engine-driven pumps with intakes in the Song Cai River that discharge in the empty lake.  As the diesel engines roar, the empty lake starts filling.  Charlie and the Supervisor are wearing rubber knee boots.

SUPERVISOR
Numba one, huh boss?

Just as the lake fills, a large whirlpool forms in the south corner of the lake and the lake level starts dropping rapidly.

CHARLIE
What the heck?

Soon, fish are flopping in the mud at the bottom of the drained lake.

EXT. SONG CAI RIVER - CONTINUOUS #97#

Downriver, Viet Cong in black pajamas begin popping up in the river along with lots of muddy water. 

INT. LIFE SERVICES DETACHMENT OFFICE - CONTINUOUS #98#

The Majors are at their desks when Sgt. Mac rushes into the office and approaches Major Dick #1.

SGT. MAC
I've heard there was a failure at the lake project.

MAJOR DICK #1
What do you mean by "a failure?"

SGT. MAC
The water has drained out of the lake, catastrophically.

The Majors look at one another and smile.

EXT. LAKE CONSTRUCTION PROJECT - CONTINUOUS #99#

Charlie and the Supervisor are looking at the excavation in the ground that used to be the lake.  Native fish are flopping in the mud.

The Majors arrive in their jeep and call Charlie over.  The Majors are smiling.

MAJOR DICK NO. 2
Lt. Stone, come over here.

Charlie trudges over to the Major's jeep.  Major Dick #11 smirks at Charlie.

MAJOR DICK #1
What lousy luck.  

Charlie rolls his eyes.

MAJOR DICK #1

A deal's a deal though, so you have 24 hours to get ready to transfer to a combat unit.

The Majors drive off.  Charlie is disgusted.

Charlie and the Supervisor walk out to the hole in the lake bed that swallowed all the water.

SUPERVISOR
Looks like we tapped into an un-mapped VC tunnel complex.

CHARLIE
(wryly)
Great timing.

Charlie walks off to his jeep.

INT.  CHARLIE'S HOOCH - LATER #100#

Wouldn't you know it?  It starts raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.  

Our very unhappy camper is smoking a doobie and packing his duffle bag.

EXT. LAKE CONSTRUCTION PROJECT - CONTINUOUS #101#

Three female Vietnamese Workers in black pajamas, ponchos, and conical hats intone/chant to the audience.

THREE VIETNAMESE WORKERS
(to the audience)
Our hero has failed to reach his goal, and down the river he's been sold.  Must he to this fate passively yield, or can he avoid transfer to the field?

INT.  AMY'S HOOCH - LATER #102#

Charlie knocks on the door of Amy's hooch and she lets him in.  They kiss.

AMY ARCHER
Why the sad face?

CHARLIE
The lake project failed catastrophically today.  I'm being transferred to the field. 

Amy gives Charlie a hug.

AMY ARCHER
What happened?

CHARLIE
All the water leaked out of the lake into a VC tunnel complex and my bosses fired me.

AMY ARCHER
How was that your fault?

CHARLIE
It wasn't.  But, the Majors had apparently become aware that I was using a little of their bribe money to complete the project.

AMY ARCHER
So they know that you know they are accepting bribes?

CHARLIE
I guess so.

AMY ARCHER
I am going to talk to my boss about this development.  I'll meet you at your place.

They leave together.

INT. CHARLIE'S HOOCH - EVENING #103#

Charlie is waiting for Amy when a very angry Doc arrives carrying a bandaged Einstein.  

CHARLIE
What happened?

DOC
Your bosses ordered all the dogs on the post shot.  They wounded Einstein.

Doc places Einstein in his dog bed.  Einstein starts to circle and then collapses with a whimper.

CHARLIE
The jerks are messing with me, too.  They are transferring me to a combat unit.

Amy knocks on the door and Charlie answers it.

CHARLIE
Amy, come in.

They kiss.

AMY ARCHER
My boss couldn't figure out how to prevent your being shipped out without cluing the Majors into our being aware of the bribery scheme.

Charlie sits down.

DOC
What bribery scheme?

CHARLIE
Remember the briefcase that I transport from VietCorp and the Majors?

Doc nods.

CHARLIE
Well, I accidentally learned that it contained packages of $20 bills, lots of them.  The Majors figured out that I had nabbed some of the cash to pay the operators of equipment I borrowed from your buddy.

AMY ARCHER
Our problem is that we don't have sufficient evidence that the Majors were being bribed to arrest them.

CHARLIE
Doc, what about using your Bugging the Battlefield equipment to catch them red handed?

Doc smiles.

DOC
I think that could work.  How about we plant a listening device outside their hooch and we record their conversations about the situation?

Amy smiles.

AMY ARCHER
I'll get my boss's OK.  Let's do this.

Amy leaves.

EXT.  LAKE CONSTRUCTION PROJECT - DAY #104#

A PLATOON of armed U.S. infantry soldiers surround the tunnel opening in the lake bed.  A CAPTAIN is in command.

A small U.S. infantry soldier with a soft hat who has been trained as a TUNNEL RAT is lowered into the tunnel opening holding a specially-modified Smith & Wesson .38 pistol (known as a "Hush Puppy"), a standard Army-issued flashlight, a knife in s sheath, and one end of a roll of string held by ANOTHER SOLDIER.

INT. VIETCONG TUNNEL - DAY #105#

The Tunnel Rat's flashlight illuminates the initial section of the tunnel which had been hand carved in dull reddish laterite clay.  The tunnel has a flat floor, inwardly sloping walls, and a curved ceiling.  It looks very creepy.

INT. DOC'S LABORATORY - NIGHT #106#

Doc unlocks the door of his lab, lets himself and Charlie in, and re-locks the door.  Doc turns on the light and heads for and opens a closet marked "Storage." 

DOC
Here they are.

Doc grabs something that looks like a four-inch long piece of dog excrement and hands it gingerly to Charlie, who wrinkles his nose.  

DOC
This sensor is called a TURDSID.  It listens for ground shaking and wirelessly switches on a listening sensor when a person is near.  They were developed before we found out that there are no dogs, and no dog poop, on the Ho Chi Minh Trail.  Oops.

Doc then grabs a 4.5 inch by 5 inch by 9 inch olive green metal box with a 1 foot long antenna protruding from its top surface and hands it to Charlie.

DOC
This listening device is called an acoustic sensor. It'll transmit the actual voices it detects to a wireless receiver.

Doc then picks up a olive drab radio receiver.

DOC
This is the receiver.  It's called a Portatale.

Doc walks over to a workbench. 

DOC
Let's do a battery test.

Doc switches on each of the units and hooks a reel to reel tape recorder to the Portatale and switches it on.  He nods to Charlie. 

CHARLIE
Testing, testing.

Doc then stops the tape recorder and plays it back.  They hear Charlie through Doc's speakers.

CHARLIE (V.O.)
Testing, testing.

CHARLIE
It works!

DOC
Let's go plant the TURDSID and acoustic sensor under the Major's hooch.

They leave together carrying the equipment.

EXT.  MAJORS' HOOCH - NIGHT #107#

It is a dark and stormy night.  Really, it is!  Our guys have parked Charlie's jeep about 100 feet away from the Majors' hooch.  They are carrying the equipment and whispering as they approach the hooch. 

CHARLIE
I can hear them talking about me.

DOC
Me, too.  The bastards.

They stop walking.

DOC
You put the TURDSID near the front steps and I'll put the acoustic sensor under the hooch.  Meet me back here when you're done.

They split up to noiselessly accomplish their missions and they return to the rendezvous.

DOC
The tape recorder should be recording.  Let's go back to my lab and see what we've got.

Charlie nods.  They walk back to Charlie's jeep.

INT. DOC'S LABORATORY - NIGHT #108#

Doc and Charlie surge into Doc's lab and listen to a headphone attached to the Portatale.  Nothing.  They hear nothing.

CHARLIE
Maybe they went to bed?

DOC
Let me rewind and see what we missed.

Doc rewinds the tape and then replays it.

MAJOR DICK #1 (V.O.)
Is the left speaker full?

MAJOR DICK #2 (V.O.)
Yeah.  I'll fill the right speaker with cash now.  

We hear Major Dick #2 GRUNT (V.O.) as he move the right speaker onto their bar.

MAJOR DICK #2 (V.O.)
What luck the lake drained so we could get rid of Lt. Stone.

MAJOR DICK #1 (V.O.)
I can't believe the numb nut was using our bribe money to pay equipment operators.

MAJOR DICK #2 (V.O.)
A real loser.

MAJOR DICK #1 (V.O.)
Our three percent share of VietCorp's bids is really adding up.  Thank God for this war.  Let's go to the club and celebrate.

MAJOR DICK #2 (V.O.)
You talked me into it.  Let me lock up the cash.

On the tape, we hear the Majors' door SLAM (V.O.).

CHARLIE
Great!  Let's celebrate, too.

Doc grabs a doobie out of a drawer, fires it up, takes a toke, and hands it to Charlie who also takes a toke.

CHARLIE
I have an idea.  Let's crank up your pirate radio station and let the post know about the Majors.

Charlie smiles as Doc gets out and connects the components and turns the transmitter on.  Speaking into a microphone, Doc disguises his voice to sound like Rod Serling's narrator as he plays music that is similar to a part of the Twilight Zone Theme.

DOC
There is a sixth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his aspirations. It is an area that we here at Channel 69 call the War Zone.

Doc turns to hook the tape recorder to his transmitter.

DOC
Tonight, before we play some music,  we have a special treat for you.  It's a recording of two senior officers discussing the bribes they are receiving right here on Long Binh Post.  Here it is.

Doc plays the tape.

INT. STEAM AND CREAM PARLOR - NIGHT #109#

Joy is giving a naked Blowtorch Bob a massage.  His lower body is under a sheet.  His eyes are closed.  A radio down the hall sounds.

MAJOR DICK #1 (V.O.)
Is the left speaker full?

MAJOR DICK #2 (V.O.)
Yeah.  I'll fill the right speaker with cash now.  

We hear Major Dick #2 GRUNT (V.O.) as he move the right speaker onto their bar.

MAJOR DICK #2 (V.O.)
What luck the lake drained so we could get rid of Lt. Stone.

MAJOR DICK #1 (V.O.)
I can't believe the numb nut was using our bribe money to pay equipment operators.

Blowtorch Bob sits up suddenly, his eyes wide open.

INT.  AMY'S BOSS'S HOOCH - CONTINUOUS #110#

Amy's Boss is in his hooch reading with the radio on.  He hears.

MAJOR DICK #2 (V.O.)
A real loser.

MAJOR DICK #1 (V.O.)
Our three percent share of VietCorp's bids is really adding up.  Thank God for this war.  Let's go to the club and celebrate.

MAJOR DICK #2 (V.O.)
You talked me into it.  Let me lock up the cash.

Amy's boss smiles an evil smile.

INT. OFFICER'S CLUB - LATER #111#

Amy and Lt. Straight enter the club and walk up to the Majors.  They are both in their MP uniforms.

AMY ARCHER
Sirs, you are both under arrest for suspicion of accepting bribes.

MAJOR DICK #1
What?

AMY ARCHER
You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say can be used in evidence against you.

Major Dick #2 points at his brother.

MAJOR DICK #2
It was his idea.  I told him it'd never work.

Lt. Straight handcuffs the Majors' hands behind their backs and walks between them toward the door, holding each of them by an arm.  Amy calls out after them.

AMY ARCHER
Oh, and have a happy retirement.

EXT. LONG BINH JAIL - DAY #112#

The Majors are shown peering out a horizontal slit in a shipping container marked "Welcome to LBJ."  They are not happy campers.

An ironic song like Steam's "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye" plays in the background.

INT. LIFE SUPPORT DETACHMENT OFFICE - MORNING #113#

Charlie arrives at work with his duffle bag packed.  He is surprised to see that Blowtorch Bob is already there with Sgt. Mac.

BLOWTORCH BOB
Lt. Stone.  Come over here.

Charlie approaches Blowtorch Bob and salutes.  His salute is returned vigorously.

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

BLOWTORCH BOB
As you know, this unit needs new leadership.  I have pulled some god-damned strings and you are it.

Charlie smiles.

CHARLIE
Thank you, sir.  

BLOWTORCH BOB
You have displayed exceptional performance that clearly distinguishes you from your peers.  For that reason, I have also arranged a promotion for you, Captain Stone.

Blowtorch Bob pulls a set of metal captain's bars from his pocket and pins them over Charlie's cloth lieutenant's bars on his lapel.  Blowtorch Bob then salutes Charlie.

Charlie is speechless but remembers to return the general's salute.  Sgt. Mac smiles as he shakes Charlie's hand.

INT.  VIETCORP OFFICE - DAY #114#

A shredder is CHOMPING away loudly as Amy and Lt. Straight enter the VietCorp office wearing their MP uniforms.  They approach Hal Burton who is quickly stuffing papers a duffle bag.

AMY ARCHER
Mr. Burton, you are under arrest for bribery.

HAL BURTON
I'm innocent.  This is a witch hunt.

AMY ARCHER
You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say can be used in evidence against you.  

Hal hangs his head.  Lt. Straight handcuffs Hal Burton's hands behind his back. Lt. Straight whispers to Hal.

LT. STRAIGHT
FYI, the younger major is singing like a bird.

Then, they lead Hal Burton out.

INT. LIFE SUPPORT DETACHMENT OFFICE - DAY #115#

Charlie is busy reading reports.

Blowtorch Bob charges into the LSD office and seeks out Charlie.

BLOWTORCH BOB
Captain Stone.  You're now officially a hero.  Your flooding out the VC tunnel system under Long Binh saved a lot of lives.   

CHARLIE
What?  Sir.

BLOWTORCH BOB
The tunnel system was searched.  They found underground ammo dumps, kitchens, a hospital, store rooms, workshops, latrines, and even a  theater for the performance of political plays.

CHARLIE
Wow! Who would've thought?     

BLOWTORCH BOB
I have put you and Captains Archer and Lathrop in for a Bronze Star.

CHARLIE
Thank you, sir.

Blowtorch Bob turns to leave, but Charlie speaks to him.

CHARLIE
Sir, I couldn't have pulled this off without Joy.  She has told me that she and her partner would like to immigrate to the US.  Can you help them do that?

BLOWTORCH BOB
Damn great idea.  I will take care of it.

Blowtorch Bob turns again to leave.

EXT.  LONG BINH PARADE GROUND - DAY #116#

Charlie, Amy, and Doc are seated on a raised platform at one end of the Long Binh parade ground.  Standing at attention in front of the platform are the members of the MP Company assigned to Long Binh, including Lt. Straight and Amy's Boss.  Blowtorch Bob is at the podium.  

BLOWTORCH BOB
At ease.  It's not often that outstanding leadership saves the lives of our troops AND exposes wrongdoing.  That is the case today.  I want to congratulate Captains Stone, Archer, and Lathrop for their excellent work.

Charlie, Amy, and Doc stand and approach the podium where Blowtorch Bob pins a Bronze Star medal first on Charlie and then on Amy and then on Doc.

Lt. Straight leads the company in applause. 

Charlie and Amy look at one another and smile.

EXT. LAKE CONSTRUCTION PROJECT - DAY #117#

This time it's Charlie's turn to be the master of ceremonies.  He is standing in front of the boathouse at the new recreational lake.  In front of him is a CROWD of soldiers dressed in bathing suits and tee shirts.

CHARLIE
Welcome to Long Binh Lake.  We hope you enjoy it.  Who wants to do some water skiing?

A ROAR comes from the Crowd.

CHARLIE
OK, there are four ski boats.  Form four lines and have fun.  The rest of you can find fishing tackle in the boathouse.

Members of the Crowd shuffle to get in line.

EXT.  BIEN HOA AIR BASE - DAY #118#

Charlie and Amy are in uniform, sitting in a row of GUYS, kissing one another.  If you're quick, you will note that Amy is wearing an engagement ring.

CHARLIE
I'm going to miss you.

AMY ARCHER
No, you won't.  You'll be too busy eating hamburgers to miss me.

Charlie turns and walks toward the gate.  Over the gate is a sign that says "The World."

INT.  MEM CHU - DAY #119#

Charlie's and Ann's FAMILIES are sitting in the pews. 

Charlie is standing at the alter wearing his dress blue uniform.  He is standing with his Best Friend who is his best man (and the Narrator) and his BEST FRIEND's PARTNER.  Joy and her partner are bridesmaids.

Then Amy walks down the aisle wearing her dress blues.

The organist plays a song like The Shirelles’ "Soldier Boy."


EPILOGUE


MONTAGE

A song about being proud of being young plays in the background, like The Who's "My Generation."

During the CLOSING CREDITS, a brief freeze-frame of each of the major characters is presented, accompanied by text giving their name and a brief summary of their future lives.

Charlie is a successful medical cannabis grower.

Amy is the sheriff of the county in which Charlie’s grow operation is located.

Major Dick #1 and Major Dick #2 are serving 20 years for larceny.

Blowtorch Bob is fragged by his own driver.

Doc is a small animal veterinarian.

Joy runs a bar in New Orleans.

END MONTAGE


DELETED SCENES

INT. DELIVERY ROOM - NIGHT #120#

A DOCTOR and NURSE are assisting a WOMAN who is giving birth.

DOCTOR (O.S.)
One more push.

The Woman groans.

DOCTOR (O.S.) (CONT'D)
That did it. (beat) It's a boy!
(beat) What's his name?

The BABY's face is contorted as he cries in the doctor's hands.

WOMAN
It's Charlie. No middle name.

DOCTOR
Wonderful name.

The Doctor hands the Baby to the Nurse. The clock on the wall shows the time of birth as 12:02 am.

DOCTOR (CONT'D)
I'm exhausted. Where's the birth
certificate?

NURSE
At the nurses' desk. I filled it in
for you. Get some rest.

INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS #121#

The doctor enters the corridor adjacent to the delivery room and stands at the nurses' desk, pulling off his gloves, and acting tired. He adds the boy's name and signs the birth certificate. Glancing at a tear off calendar on the desk, he dates the birth April 24 and leaves.

The Nurse enters the corridor and stands at the nurses' desk. She places the birth certificate in a file folder, and then, glancing at the clock which shows 12:05 am, tears off the April 24 calendar page, exposing the correct date for the new day as April 25.