PITCH FOR SIX FLAGS OVER SAIGON
My story is a comedy entitled Six Flags over Saigon. It was inspired by the war stories of the two-thirds of Vietnam Veterans who served “in the rear with the beer,” as I did.
The log line is: A newly-minted lieutenant is put in charge of building a recreational lake for bored rear-echelon troops by a couple of soon-to-be-laid-off majors who plan to profit from his cluelessness at the end of the Vietnam War.
Losing in the first Vietnam War draft lottery, Charlie’s a reluctant warrior from the militant South. He gets into trouble for being stoned at ROTC drill practice and smarting off to his captors at POW training.
In Vietnam, Charlie gets a job working on the lake project for twins, Major Dick #1 and Major Dick #2. To stay out of combat, he has to complete the project on schedule. Charlie provides liaison with a military contractor, Hal Burton. Charlie shares quarters with Doc, who works on bugging the battlefield research.
Charlie’s responsible for carrying a locked briefcase between Hal and the Majors that he doesn’t know contains bribe payments to the Majors.
Charlie’s attracted to a Red Cross Donut Dolly, Amy. Actually, Amy is an undercover cop who is investigating the Majors. Amy, who has a jealous ex, investigates Charlie, too, but starts to fall for him.
Doc tells Charlie of a friend who has earthmoving equipment, but no money to pay his Vietnamese operators. So, Charlie’s quest becomes one of seeking a no-cost source of dollars. As a club officer, Charlie learns from a barmaid how to break empty liquor bottles, claim “spillage,” and then sell the liquor.
After a traffic accident, Charlie discovers the briefcase is full of packets of $20 bills. Charlie tells Amy, who is relieved and discloses that she is a cop.
Tired of stepping in dog poop, Major Dick #1 orders that dogs on Post be shot, and Doc’s dog, Einstein, is wounded.
A desperate Charlie removes $1,000 from the briefcase and Major Dick #2 figures out that Charlie took the money.
Finally, excavation for the lake is complete. As it is filled, however, a large whirl-pool forms draining out all the water, and Vietcong in black pajamas begin popping up in the river. The Majors initiate Charlie’s transfer to a combat unit.
An angry Doc and Charlie use Doc’s equipment to catch the Majors red handed. After the Majors incriminate themselves on tape, the tapes are played over a pirate radio station and the Majors are arrested.
Charlie’s lauded as a hero for discovering an unmapped VC tunnel system. When they leave for The World, Amy’s seen wearing an engagement ring.